Posted in Favorite Music

Legos and Laughter

I am completely content and happy in this moment, playing Legos with my grandson, Jonas, and my granddaughter, Mile Mae, on the playroom floor.
I’m feeling proud of Jonas for sharing half of his Legos with me and Mile, we just aren’t allowed to have weapons or figures, only blocks. (We all have our quirks.)
Later, I am watching them play in their little pool on my porch and squirting each other with squirt guns and blowing rainbow bubbles. Their laughter is so soothing, and the sounds stop time and erase my anxiety.
We go in, and I have to rescue Mile from the pink toy bucket she gets stuck in and I’m laughing so hard, I can barely pull her up.
As the sun goes down, I am watching her hanging upside down on the lawn chair, her long brown curls flowing to the floor. She is so pleased with herself and she makes me laugh inside and out. I would give anything to live in moments like these, every minute of everyday, but they are just that, moments.
At least I know how to absorb and treasure these moments now.
The only sad part for me is packing up her toys that she is taking home and she doesn’t know it’s sad, so that’s OK.
Mile is only four, and right now, she’s simply happy all her toys are going to her house
She really doesn’t understand about Grammy selling her house and moving to a house on wheels and going to live on the road.
Rolling is what they call it. I have a new language to learn.
And she won’t understand, not until she says, “Daddy, I wanna go to Grammy’s house,” and he says, “Grammy doesn’t live in her house anymore.”
It was already a hard choice, deciding whether to stay or to move on, getting rid of furniture and stuff, so much stuff, way too much stuff. Books, clothes, boots, sheets and bedspreads. Towels, dolls and pictures. CD’s, DVD’s, TV’s and furniture.
With all these awesome grandkids, it’s a triple hard choice. And Jodie Lynne…my sunshine, my daughter, my friend, I’ll miss you most of all.
After fifteen houses and six states, I just have a strong urge to leave the clutter behind, wander on my own and to see what I see each day, and to do whatever I want to do in the moment. Stop, go, eat, write, don’t stop, inhale sunshine, go to the beach, whatever.
I also never want to pack up another house and I can’t even promise myself that I’ll stay still, so a house on wheels is my solution.
I want days without people telling me I better do this, or I should do that…weeks where I only interact with my dog, Maggie Mae and God. And rest stops and sweet nights when I can indulge my creative streak.
Maybe I’ll last a month, maybe I’ll last ten years out there on my own.
I just don’t know, but I’ll never know if I don’t try.
If I’m supposed to hold still Lord, you need to show me that because I really have the urge to move on, but I’m not always right, that’s for sure.
Lord, I know I’m stubborn and hardheaded, but show me gently please, I’m already broken.
Amen.

Advertisements
Posted in Gracie's Glimmer, Poetry From A Woman Who Thinks Too Much

Why


Now that you’re 1200 miles away
everything I think about
when I picture you and me
none of it is real
it’s just a fading fantasy.
When I miss your arms around me
I’m not thinking about the fights
when I miss your kisses
and I miss your smile
I’m not thinking about
all the lonely nights.
I’m not thinking about
when you laid beside me
in this very same bed,
and I cried myself to sleep
and wished that I was dead.
I’m thinking about the good times
the times you held my hand
the rare times when it all felt so right.
I’m dancing with you under the stars
a story living only inside my head.
Why does distance make the love
feel sweeter than it ever tasted?
Why does lonely recolor the pictures
rewriting the memories hidden
under this very same bed?

Posted in Gracie's Glimmer, Poetry From A Woman Who Thinks Too Much

Let Me Go Easy

Please love, let me go easy
I’m already broken.
Already said all the mean words
A to Z, they’ve all been spoken.
No need to repeat
no need to fight.
I’m down for the count
I admit I’ve been beat.
Open your hands
with memories of love
and just let me go.
I’d stay if I could love you
or if you could love me
just as we are.
But, we can’t and we both know.
So, please open the door and
with gentleness, let me go.
I can’t do the anger and I can’t do the pain
I can’t stand still while we throw curses
slapping each other’s face with blame.
I can’t watch us die
as we stomp on each other’s heart.
Please love, let me go easy
I’m already broken.

 

Posted in Gracie's Glimmer, Poetry From A Woman Who Thinks Too Much, Women Who Think to Much

You Don’t Let Me

You let me cook
You let me clean
I wash our clothes
I sweep up my dreams.

You let me shop
You let me sew
I have it all
Computers, books and clothes.

You don’t let me
See how you feel
You don’t let me near
Any part of you that’s real.

You don’t let me
Close in our
King size bed
I rebel, but only inside my head.

You don’t let me
Love you
I don’t know why
I know one day, I won’t even try.

5-8-13

Posted in This Is For The Dogs

Goodbye For Now Ms. Skeeter (Kita) March 26


There is never enough time to give all the love you have to anyone. There is never enough time.
I have loved this little dog with all my heart since the day we got her from the shelter in Orlando.
But somehow, it doesn’t feel like enough.
I want to give her more love before she goes, but we’re out of time.
There is never enough time.
Maybe that’s why God gave us dogs, so we could practice grieving the loss of what we love so much, so that when we lose people, we have already had a glimpse of what it’s going to feel like.
We already know what a broken heart is, before we are knocked out of our orbit by losing a person we love.
That’s the only reason I can think of why dogs have a short life, why they usually go before us.
I know God has an incredible plan and that we only see the knots on the back side of the tapestry.
I trust him with all my heart, but I wish letting go didn’t hurt so much.
I love this little girl beyond measure, and that’s why she’s crossing the rainbow bridge today, because I don’t want her to suffer anymore.
She has made me laugh, she has made me cry, she has made me want to pull my hair out. She has bit me when I tried to get my shoes, she has bit me when I tried to wipe her butt or Lord help me, when I tried to cut her toenails.
In the first three years, we went through three rug shampooers before we got her colitis under control and then had to replace all our rugs. We got her healthy, up to eight pounds and we just kept loving her. We saved her and she saved us.
I don’t regret one minute of her life.
She has kissed me good morning every day since the day we adopted her. She looks in my eyes and she sees my soul and I see her’s too.
She’s empathetic, she’s compassionate, and she’s a crazy hellion on four, little feet.
She’s Ms. Skeeter, a one of a kind and she’s my baby.
She was two years old when we adopted her. Just three pounds of wild, untrained energy.
People used to ask me what is that? Is that a dog? Some even thought she was a monkey.
I used to walk her and she’d run me around the park that we lived in, faster than I could go.
People used to laugh as we went by and ask, who’s walking who?
She was like a mosquito, buzzing around her brother, Puppy, and that’s how she got her name.
She’s fourteen now and for the last six months, diabetes has taken its toll.
We’ve had six months of extra time, but that time is up and as long as it’s in my power, I won’t let her suffer anymore.
Mom, I know you don’t really enjoy dogs, but if you could take care of her for me until I get there, I’d be very grateful.
Help her to find her brother, Puppy, and let her run free. She won’t be any trouble at all, unless you take off your shoes and try to pick them up, good luck with that.
Goodbye, Ms. Skeeter, just for now. Run free, and thank you for all the kisses.

Thank you to Dr. Robards and the staff at Eastside Animal Hospital for giving us the last six months and for their extremely compassionate care today.
Thank you to my daughter for taking Kita’s Last Ride with me. 💔💔💔
Also, thank you to my husband for spending thousands on Kita and on every dog we rescued.💔💔💔