A wake-up call for women who are sleep-walking through their lives,
accepting emotional, verbal or physical abuse.
Women Who Think Too Much, A No Help At All Handbook
by Jeanne Marie
Wow by Yahsoldz
Great book but you have to have a strong mind and a strong sense of dark humor to get it. Thank you for the crash course the book kept to the point.
WOMEN WHO THINK TOO MUCH by suzyqmtngurl
As I read through this book I kept constantly seeing myself but also saying, “at least I didn’t have it that bad!” But in the end the truth hits and I sobbed. What a great short read!
Anonymous Review Barnes & Noble
For anyone who even thinks for one second that they are in a codependent relationship or are just trying to avoid ending up in one, please, I urge you to read this book. Dark humor reigns throughout, but so do vital lessons about what to expect in codependent relationships. The author takes us through her pain in order to help the next victim of a codependent life… And yes, I do mean the word VICTIM. The victim is never to blame for some jerk’s destructive behavior. Coming from someone who has said “enough’s enough,” I know life and self-esteem are possible to have. I thank God Himself for His help. I really don’t know what I could have done or who I’d still be right now without Him, and that’s the truth.
Review by Nicole
Hello, I just wanted to tell you I have just finished and read the 12 slips book, I couldn’t put it down. It has been downloaded for a while and just got the chance to read it not knowing what was inside! Coming from a 27-year-old female just almost a year of being out of a 4-year abusive relationship, this book meant so much to me. I never realized that I was codependent and that has carried throughout all my relationships and is being carried with me into the future. Until today, I realized that I need to let go of that and become dependent on my self! Thank you for writing this book, I hope that many other women who are in terrible situations may stumble upon this book and take something from it. I will be recommending this book. Nicole
Review by Orina
I just read your book! I laughed so hard all the way through I almost had to resort to Pampers! But I made it through.
This is the story of my life with my Husband (Deceased now, God rest his soul). I was going to write a book called Codependent and Loving It.
What is funny now is I am a burned out codependent. I don’t give a crap about anyone but myself and my Little Dog, Dolly.
Let me know if you write another comedy. I live to laugh! Thank You for this book! HILARIOUS!
Review by Natalie
I went and read WWTTM earlier today, I had no idea that anyone had to endure such awful demands from a spouse or boyfriend. Bless your heart. I’m so glad you are no longer having to endure such abuse and ridicule. I’m sure it still seems very real to you. It was and that will never change, but you don’t have to go there again! I pray the Lord comfort you and grant you peace when the bad memories come back to haunt you.
Oh, I agree with the review that says this should be required reading for high school students. As an ex-high school teacher, I agree wholeheartedly! Love and hugs, N 🙂
Review by Michelle Marie
Wonderful book! I recommend Women Who Think Too Much, I am a woman who thinks too much. I love this author and her style of writing. I think she has so many wonderful insights and also I found myself laughing because I identify with this book so much. I know you will love it too!
Review by Jenn on Aug. 08, 2014 FIVE STARS
This book should be required reading as part of the high school curriculum. I made a couple of these “slips” early on, but thankfully avoided the worst of it thanks to some very strong and frank women in my life. However, I’ve had many friends who have had to learn the hard way–or never learned, and it’s heartbreaking to watch and so unnecessary.
Thank you, Jeanne, for the very straightforward advice and important reminder for all of us. Speaking of that, I think I need to go pad my “ILFU” fund…. 😉
Review by Michael:
Just finished reading your book, Women Who Think Too Much.
Structurally, I found the book spot on. That’s a compliment to both your writing and your editors. The reading flowed very smoothly.
Content-wise, it was incredibly poignant.
It was heart wrenching to think you went through all that, and to think so many others live like that. I truly was not aware of the intricacies of what goes on behind closed doors in those types of relationships.
I confess that I know of no woman in my circle of friends who lives in those conditions today. I’m not sure if that’s a credit to my choice in friends or the strength and kindness of the people I know.
However, a long time ago (my senior year in high school), I dated a young lady fresh out of a bad relationship that, I can only guess (through rumors at the time), was a lot like what she described.
We dated for almost a year when she abruptly broke it off. After repeatedly asking her why, she reluctantly told me she was going back to her previous boyfriend. From what I knew of her old relationship with this guy, I knew it was very abusive.
I chanced upon her several months after our breakup. When I approached her, she was trying to conceal her black eye behind dark sunglasses. But she assured me she was doing fine.
Years later we met again. She had finally called it quits with him, but not before having two of his children.
So, in an indirect and very personal way, I was exposed to codependency and its abuse.
It truly breaks my heart to hear of situations like this, what you write about. It’s horrific. But I know there are men out there who behave like that. And the cost to women (and the children) is incalculable.
I will never understand how we humans can be so cruel to one another.
You have done a great job with this book. It’s a needed eye-opener, I guess not only just for women, but certainly (and especially) for us men as well.
Jeanne Marie —You are an incredibly strong woman. I know the past was difficult, hard, unbearable and about twenty other adjectives, but that’s your past now. You’re in a much better place today.Thank you for opening my eyes to this subject. And for inviting me into your life, if just from a spectator’s seat.
Ex Animo http://theiamblog.wordpress.com/
Review From Anonymous Survivor: Jeanne, just finished your book. Wow. I lived that life for too many years. I’m still processing what it felt like to go back in time with the words you wrote. I have tried to track my tormentor/ex-husband for all these years and never found him. I have always looked over my shoulder, afraid he would find me first. About a month ago I found his obituary. I never thought I could be relieved by a person’s death. I was, and am. I hope your book acts as a reality check and motivator for women in the thick of codependency. I think this is a much needed book. Should be in every women’s shelter across the country.
Review By S K Nicholls:
This month is National Domestic Violence Awareness month and I am reading a few books this month that focus on this troubling issue in different ways. Today I am giving a book review on one of these.
Jeanne Marie taunts her book as “A No Help At All Handbook” and it is with this degree of sarcasm that she presents her case. Domestic violence is a very serious issue affecting more people in America than the statistics can begin to show. Jeanne Marie does an excellent job aiding women to identify themselves as being in a dysfunctional relationship and what to do (or not to do) about it with her “Twelve Slips”, a spoof off of the Twelve Steps programs. While the small book with big ideas uses a rather comical approach to getting women to loosen up and look seriously at their own behaviors, as well as the behaviors of others, the highly qualified author also emphasizes the importance of recognizing where you may be going wrong and where you can go right. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who even suspects that they might be in a dysfunctional relationship. Even if you are not, you will be entertained, and maybe learn something you can use to help another individual less fortunate. It is both moving and inspirational. It is a brief book, an easy read, and quite affordable as it is FREE right now at smashwords. Download and read a copy today. This is easily a five star book.
S K Nicholls http://redclayandroses1.wordpress.com/2013/10/14/book-review-women-who-think-too-much-by-jeanne-marie/comment-page-1/#comment-1983
Review by Ishaiya
Wonderful! Downloaded. Thank you, Jeanne-Marie. I love your writing style, it’s beautifully poetic, thought inspiring and moving. You have a wonderful sense of humor too! I shall be sure to spread the word. Have a great week!
Review By Eleanor:
This book throws a funny bone at the heart of dysfunctional relationships and hits you right between the eyes.
Dark humor drives this soul-bearing and sobering narrative, but Jeanne Marie lets it fly without losing the gravity of her subject. Beneath the often laugh-out-loud comedy, Marie’s honesty and vulnerability entice you to notice jarringly familiar experiences that exist in your own life. Her words echo unforgettably, resonating into your everyday life, making it impossible to ignore the empowering mirror she has created for anyone who has ever been… is currently… or wants to be… in a relationship.
It amazes me that such a short and fun book is powerful enough to change your life. A must-read for everyone, particularly women and teens!
Review By Maggie Thom:
“Wow. I don’t know where to even start with this but I can tell you that although it is a tough read, it is a must. Women Who Think Too Much is raw and will punch you in the solar plexus. When I started reading it, no I hadn’t read the blurb about it, I thought it was going to talk about how women are so hard on themselves. Which it did, sort of but it’s really one woman’s journey through co-dependency and abuse and her wish to wake up other women who might be living this kind of life or headed for it.
Jeanne Marie shares her journey through co-dependency and abuse but she does it in a unique way, she calls it the 12 slip step to co-dependency, where she uses dark humor for a dark subject. I think that if she’d just shared her journey, I would have felt awful for her but I don’t think I’d have looked at my life quite so closely. It’s interesting because she talks a lot about all the ways and things she did to avoid looking at her own life for a long time. I think it is brilliantly written. It’s only about sixty pages but it is by no means a quick read.
Try catching your breath after you’ve read it because you won’t while you’re reading it. It’s the elephant in the room that no one talks about, no one shares. I guarantee this book will wake you up like none other. Or at least it should.”
Maggie Thom’s Books! https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=maggie+thom
“Those damn rose-colored glasses can create such a shady false light that we don’t even recognize the blindfold covering the eyes on the image staring back at us in the mirror. Your book, Women Who Think Too Much, shines a bright light of humor on serious issues. In all that laughter is the courage to put fear where it belongs. Instead of staying afraid to take off the rose-colored glasses, the impulse to keep them on becomes terrifying. (Your mom’s poem is evidence that her sense of humor was a guiding force to a way out of the dysfunctional cycle.)
I’ve read your book…more than once. Instead of congratulatory gratitude (which you absolutely deserve), Jeanne Marie, I give you a big, brave and hearty HEE HA HA YEEHAH! as I stomp my own pair of rose-colored glasses.”
Artist and Publisher of the Wildersoul Colouring Book wrote:
“I like the ‘how not to’ approach, which has a humorous angle, and yet it touches so very deeply.”
Re-blogged on Mm172001’s Blog http://wordpress.com/#!/read/blog/id/13831966/
She wrote: “Already downloaded the book and read it! It’s a great read, informative with humor. Highly recommend it and best part it’s only $1.99!
To Jeanne Marie, “I thought it was great. It took a topic that has been traditionally addressed as you are doing this wrong and this and this and you need to do this. The form in which you wrote your book gave most of the same information but in a humorous way that is less authoritarian but still has the insight.”
Review by: Joyce on April 25, 2013 : FIVE STAR
A must-read for women with Borderline Personality Disorder. Many of us have co-dependency issues. Maybe you can recognize yourself in this book and get the help you need. If you have no sense of your own identity, you need to find out who you are. Jeanne Marie helps you become aware, through her humor, what you’re lacking to become your own person, worthy of not needing someone who controls you.
Review by: Richard on Feb. 23, 2013 : FIVE STAR
I had bought this book for my fiancée, but we ended up reading it together. I really enjoyed it, I laughed out loud.. a lot. Winced in pain like when you hit your knee a few times, I mean I am a man and I am guilty of a lot of the same things in this book…like this one “Classic”!
“Why are the lights on in here? Do you want me to shut them off for you?
Why aren’t there any lights on in here? It’s so dark in here.”
All in all, I just wanted to say it was good to see how a man’s behavior can affect a woman, and after reading this book, I think I can try a little harder to be more considerate.
Review by: Dan on Feb. 23, 2013 FIVE STAR
Take your time when you read through this…then read it again.
A fan of cinema verite? Good thing. Hang on. Jeanne Marie compels you to look in to the mirror and ask yourself if you recognize this wounded gender.
This is not simply a woman’s cautionary tale.
Pull your son away from “Call of Duty”, put a porn blocker on his computer and force him to listen to her story.
Review by: Cherie on Feb 22, 2013 : FIVE STAR
A must read for women of all ages…timely and also timeless lessons for women from every walk of life..it will touch you in ways that you never dreamed of and may even (hopefully) alter the course of your life..and ladies..it’s NEVER too late!
I bought a home on wheels and I have a life plan. I have a very intricate, inspired plan and I know what it is, and God knows what it is, but sometimes I feel like my plan is this long strip of taffy and some people keep grabbing it at the edges and pulling it and pulling it, into places it’s not supposed to go, but it is my plan and my vision and God, as long as you have my back, I will keep walking toward it.
I’m done letting anyone pull and stretch my plan into what they think it should be because it is my plan.
My plan may be far from perfect, but I don’t care.
I won’t know until I try.
If I fail, I will have no one to blame but myself.
If I follow what some people want from me, I’ll sit here, stuck, blaming them and I don’t want that to happen.
I want responsibility for my own life for the first time, 100%.
If I don’t hold on to what I want and what I believe I can do this time, it won’t be good.
It’ll be awful.
I haven’t fought for eleven months to awaken my brain and to relearn who I am, just to give up and throw control back to other people. No way.
Thankfully, I also have a fan club cheering me on, and they are awesome.
I have all the pieces; I know I do.
I’m trying to assemble this puzzle and I’m looking to you for guidance because I have never pieced together anything quite like this one before and I am definitely going to need your help.
I feel like a blind woman just feeling my way around the pieces that have been spread out on my table.
I am using my intuition and your promises to build this puzzle, praying and believing that our most amazing masterpiece of all will come together.
I have sold the house and I am downsizing to a travel RV.
Now, I know how much ya’ll loved Miss Peggy-Sue and I don’t want you fighting over this picture, so I have a plan.
First, we all know that this picture is priceless, mostly because Auntie Jean painted it, may she RIP.
Second, because we all know what a sweetheart MPS was and how much joy she gave our family for 24 years. (She really didn’t bite that hard.)
So, whomever wants to give me $500.00 a month for the rest of my life, you will be awarded permanent ownership of this awesome reminder of your little sister. (Hint-hint on possible bidders.) Payments can be made through PayPal, as I will be rolling full-time.
You could also split the fee four ways, and each have this sugar pie in your home, staring down at you for three months of the year.
I offered it for free to two of my four children and they turned the offer down passionately. I think they were just overcome by the memories of our sweet and crazy little girl.
In retrospect, I realized that if I don’t ask for money, they might not realize the value of Miss Peggy-Sue’s portrait.
It was going to be their inheritance, but I have decided to leave one of my kids my painting I did when I was turning 60 years old. One will get an autographed copy of my new book, SHE, not yet written or published, so hopefully I’ll live long enough to finish the book, or someone gets nothing. (I have finished the cover!)
One will receive the painting I did when I turned 63, admittedly not my best work, but it was a very rough year. One will receive my potpourri collection, flower petals from every garden I’ve grown since 2007. It also includes petals from all my flowers that ya’ll gave me as presents, so it’s a return on your original investment; although, I might have to put a price on the potpourri, just so you know how special it is to me.
This portrait deal is a limited time offer and is open first to my four children. After July 15th, any member of my family is welcome to make a generous offer.
Let’s all take a moment to comment on what we loved best about Miss Peggy-Sue, although she was an alien from the planet Unknown, she never did us any long-lasting harm and the bites did heal.
No foul language, please.
Love, MUM aka Jeanne Marie
She had a horrible nightmare last night and we ended up on the floor. Again.
She dreamt that every person who had ever hurt her was chasing her and she was shooting at them as she ran away and the police were chasing her for shooting at them and she was trying to explain that they were trying to kill her, but the police said it didn’t count because that was in the past and she said, but they are still killing me, they are just doing it slowly and in my head.
Round and round the house and out into the dark streets they raced until She knocked me out of bed, and I woke up, shivering, shaking, crying and a bit bruised. It was 5:00 a.m.
I went outside to have a cigarette and I waited for She to stop shaking.
My four-year-old granddaughter had been asleep in my bed and she had felt me leave her side.
She came outside and whimpered, “Grammy, Grammy,” and as she climbed up on my lap, she fell right back to sleep with her arms wrapped around me.
As I snuggled her, I prayed, “Please, dear, sweet Jesus, please keep this little angel’s mind free from trauma so she never has to heal her inner child. Amen.”
From my newsletter, Women Who Think Too Much, 2002
Should I Pass the Salt?
by Jeanne Marie
To salt over the sink, or not? Ah, such a loaded question.
If you are the one who washes the kitchen counters and sweeps the floors, then you may salt wherever you like. However, there are rules for the non-cleaner. Yes? I’m the designated cleaner, and I despise housework.
I’ve begun to employ avoidance tactics in my house, like, if I don’t spill it, I won’t have to wipe it, or if you spill it, you wipe it.
The kids are gone, so I figure it’s time to shift to minimal maintenance here. Now, this week my mate said that he feels bound and nagged by my little quirks, especially my salt fetish.
“You’re driving me crazy,” he said. “I pick up the stuff you leave lying all over the house,” he said.
True enough. But here’s the deal. He picks it up if he feels like it, maybe yes, maybe no. He has a choice. On the other hand, I’m bound by the laws of nature to snatch up everything I see, and put it away, at least every other day. He could and I should, and that is worlds apart.
Another tiresome disagreement centers around the dogs. If the damn alien dogs didn’t eat biscuits under the sheets, I wouldn’t have to shake out the bedding each night, before I climb into bed.
My mate has no problem sleeping on crunchy bits of treats. But as for me, I’ve barely recovered from the “Princess and The Pea Syndrome.”
I become quite nuts when I crawl over sharp bits of meat by-products. To add to the dilemma, my insane, female poodle, Peggy-Sue, turns into the Tasmanian Devil when I sweep my hands across the sheets, to rid my side of doggy debris. Maybe she thinks, “Hey! I just buried that stuff!” and here I am, depriving her of tomorrow’s snack, but geez! Does she have to bite me so hard?
I’ve promised to buy myself a bed for the spare room at least a hundred times, and to lock the dogs out. It worries me that I haven’t carried through on that threat. I’m afraid that the dogs and my mate know I’m just blowing off steam. They all continue to munch in bed. Yes, Lays potato chips are also a problem. Of course, the fact that when I get up to go pee in the middle of the night, Peggy-Sue refuses to allow me back into the bed, is wearing me down. And Charlie, her cohort, loves to run through my hair while I’m sleeping, tangling his paws in it, and tearing hunks of my thin enough hair, right out of my head. He also runs across my face while I’m asleep, and fifteen pounds sounds light, but equipped with toenails, it can smart.
Speaking of smart, if I was, I’d have my own bedroom by now. Am I a masochist, or is cuddling the warm backside of my husband that fulfilling? Is the habit of intimacy so strong, that self-preservation loses its drive?
He said that he’s afraid to tell people I ask him to salt his food over the sink, it’s so perverse.
Well, I’m not worried! I’ll invite fifty people over to watch his salting habits and see if they don’t have some compassion for me, the cleaner.
He is perverse himself, throwing salt on each nugget of corn, from a foot over the plate.
Strangely enough, when my kids come back home to visit, they salt over the sink and they leave their muddy shoes at the door. The weird part is, I couldn’t pay them to do that when they lived here.
For twenty-odd years, I was a slave to kids, housework, cooking, laundry and on and on.
I just want to be free to write, to have time to putter in my garden, to smell the roses.
I guess I shouldn’t complain. My mate does more around the house than most men. He does at least half of our dishes, (I thank him for doing the dishes; he doesn’t thank me when I do them.)
But I am not going to pass the salt.
Lying in bed, my heart is pounding, I can hear his rage from the other room. I’ve stopped catering to his every need. I’m terrified. I hate this feeling. My stomach is tight. My heart is pounding. I don’t know if he’s going to come into my room. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. Not knowing is terrifying. Will he choke me until I can’t breathe this time, just call me hurtful names or demand a “grudge fuck”? I can hear the sound of silverware clinging from a distance or is that the five knives laying on the table beside where he sleeps? He is yelling but I have the fan on in my window to drown out as much as possible.
He is angry all the time but this particular moment is because I haven’t washed dishes and cooked for him today. I can’s wash dishes in the sink…
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She’s been quiet for a few days, so I was surprised when she whispered, “You know I still love him, right?”
“Yes, She. You remind me every day, several times per hour.”
“Well, what are you gonna do about it?”
“Nothing. I’m going to do nothing about it. I accept that you still love him. He’s been good to you and I understand why you trust him, and you don’t trust me. But that’s not my problem. It’s yours.”
“Wow. You have gotten hard and mean. You used to cry with me.”
“I’m not hard and mean, it just feels that way to you because I used to give in to you every day. I can’t do that anymore. I’m all cried out.”
“I can’t keep torturing myself with accepting unacceptable behavior. He knew what he was doing when he tore us apart this time, no doubt. Of course, I’m sure he didn’t know that it would be the last time. I don’t think that I even knew.”
“Why is it the last time?”
“She, do you remember last 4th of July? We had just moved in the new house. I dressed up in my red, white and blue to go to the block party. When it was time to go, I was already exhausted and couldn’t make myself walk out the door. He left with some neighbors and I could finally breathe again. We sat with the puppies and took pictures all afternoon, so happy to be free for a little bit.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“Well, I’m sorry, She. I don’t want to feel trapped and exhausted all the time.”