When Codependency Therapy Fails
When Codependency Therapy Fails
I recently published my book, Women Who Think Too Much. I held onto this manuscript for almost 20 years, afraid to be judged, because I bared my soul in those pages. I waited so long that someone else published a book with the same name.
My writer’s group encouraged me to edit and finish this book and they believed that my words had value. My editor and friend poured her heart and soul into this book, she fell in love with this book. Read every draft, every word, over and over and over.
My writing group believed that my words could touch and maybe help another person, and to my surprise, releasing my book released so many of my own pent up fears, that it helped me. After growing up with my promise/threat to publish WWTTM, my son just kept saying, “Just publish the damn thing.”
I am out there now. ME, THE REAL ME. I felt the walls come down. And so, I helped myself, even if I never sell more than the 11 copies I have sold.
I am not hiding in my blog, I am coming out.
Hello, fellow writers. This is me. Jeanne Marie.
This is my book’s dedication.
To my mom, Mrs. Grace Christine Doucette, 1926-2009. (Pictured above)
Mom, without your love and your support, I wouldn’t have found the courage to write this book. It all began with my first computer and a four-page letter to you in 1998. You proudly passed the pages (composed of essays, poetry and pictures) around to family and friends. When they asked for more, I let my imagination fly in print. That was how the newsletter, “Women Who Think Too Much” was born. Within a few months, I had subscribers in eleven states and Canada. The full-color newsletter grew to sixteen pages and at my invitation, many guest poets and guest writers were featured, but most of all, I will always treasure your submissions.
I wrote WWTTM for twenty-four months and then I allowed life to get in my way. The bulk of this book was written back then, but never finished despite your persistent encouragement.
It may not even be finished now, but it’s printed.
I miss you every day…
Until next time, love, Jeanne Marie
Available at LuLu and Amazon
What is my definition of feminine codependency?
Codependent is what women become when we take care of everyone but ourselves.
We allow our men to tell us who we are, what we are and how we feel.
We dump our individuality and we cease to exist beyond what we mean to him.
We put our lives on hold while we wait for him to be happy, so we can be happy.
We don’t ask for what we need.
We simply hope that our man knows what we need and when it appears that a man we love delivers what we need and he knows what is best for us, we grab on to the life preserver his outstretched hands offer, and we never, ever let go.
When the life preserver turns into an anchor that is pulling us under, we blame ourselves and we become emotional contortionists, twisting and turning ourselves inside out to regain the initial security of being loved, soul starving for the emotional warmth of being wanted, hungry for his heat, aching for the fire we filled our emptiness with when the relationship began.
We wait and we wait for the fire’s return. We have become so accustomed to not having our needs fulfilled that living in a state of icy despair, wandering about our lives with piercing pain, leaking perpetual tears and wrestling mind-numbing confusion, well it’s comfortable, familiar. Normal.
The tease of love we got from him in the beginning is enough to keep us hoping, holding on forever.
We attempt to hold other people up, especially our children, even when they don’t want our help, even when they run away from us to avoid our help. Guilt is our blanket and tears are our face cream.
We don’t have healthy emotional boundaries and we have ambiguous social skills. Helpless in the midst of abuse as children, we tend to overcompensate as adults by trying to control our little-girl fears and recoup our losses through controlling our environment and managing our loved ones.
We try to do our childhood over and make it come out right this time, but since we gravitate toward people similar to our childhood role models, we set ourselves up for treacherous relationships, intense emotional pain and self-destructive lifestyles.
Women Who think Too Much by Jeanne Marie available at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/287988