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Author: women who think too much
Sometimes…
Dance With Me Woman
Dance With Me Woman
He yanks the crippled woman
Out onto the slick dance floor.
As he stumbles over her heart, he asks,
“Don’t you like to dance anymore?”
Her brown eyes vacant, not unlike a corpse
She silently gazes up at his handsome face.
Her words are lodged in her throat
Obstructed by injuries that time can’t erase.
There’s no crazy glue that’d bind her
Or mend her tattered faith
She’s just a fragment of herself
So, they waltz, standing in place.
by Jeanne Marie
Every Mile Mattered
I have decided to live every day like it is my first and my last and to not worry about all the years I spent spinning my wheels.
Because when you come down to it, it was all about life trying to teach me what really mattered, and every step I took mattered, right or wrong.
I just wish I wasn’t such a slow learner and that I had trusted myself more and feared less.
You Said
You said that you’re proud of me
you said that I am strong
you said that I am beautiful
you said that I am kind
you said that you were wrong.
It would have been awesome
if you had said those words to me
before it was too late.
Spirit Whispers 3
I want what you want God.
That’s all I want in my life. Nothing else.
I want to write what you want me to write.
I want to breathe the air you want me to breathe.
I want to see you in my life everyday, in every way.
That’s all I want.
Lead me where I need to go, teach me to be who I need to be.
God, heal my broken heart and let me learn the lessons I am meant to learn.
I want what you want God.
What’s Left
If we could have
we would have
but we couldn’t
and this is what’s left…
Empty arms, your clothes
folded on the bureau
two extra pillows
that I tuck around me
so I can fall asleep
left over love
your favorite glass
wedding photos
your old tee-shirt
guitars in the cellar
pictures of us kissing
between each fight and
two lonely Chihuahuas
confused, waiting
to hear your truck
pull in the drive.
Where I Am Less
Where I Am Less
Knew coming through the door
happy, relaxed, smiling
there would be a price to pay.
Saw the tension on your face
waiting for me to take my place
beside you, where I belong…
on the couch
where I am less.
Went out on my own
played all day with a friend
not depressed, not alone.
daring to smile,
shut off the phone.
foolish woman
I am back home…
on the couch
where I am less.
by Jeanne Marie
New House
June, 2018
Everything is still a little crazy, but that’s to be expected after a move of this magnitude .
Everything is still a little crazy, but that’s to be expected after a move of this magnitude .
My son, Ricky, drove two hours to see us last night, with his wife and the baby. We went out to dinner and it was so good to see them.
We went for Mexican food at a place called Lopez’s and it was delicious. It was also the first real meal I’ve eaten in a week!
Cable guy is coming today, so then I’ll have internet, thank goodness. I’ve been using fifteen extra dollars worth of data every two days. WOW.
We are dealing with the normal stuff of settling in, trying to find things and then trying to decide where to put them after we find them.
We just saw a man from the water company out front shutting off our water because we hadn’t been down to the water company yet to give them a deposit. He left it on with a threat to get to the office today.
LOL We moved in Wednesday and we already called and gave them our information.
The movers put boxes wherever they wanted, despite them all being labeled, so there are going to be a lot of boxes getting moved around.
They also tried to overcharge us by $400 but my honey said no, thank you.
My back has had more than enough and I’m having a hard time walking in the mornings, so some of those dang boxes are just going to stay where they are for a little bit!
Jerry’s brother is still here until tomorrow…he’s been a huge help.
Hoping to unpack the kitchen today, but I will see where God takes my day…
All the flowers I brought with me are doing fantastic and I’m ready to bring in some more. My honey is going to go buy bleeding hearts and lilacs at Lowe’s.
Backyard is big and shady and beautiful and my porch upstairs is more like a tree house because it’s all windows, and you look out into the tree tops.
My kids keep begging me to make it the guest room, but, I said NO; it is going to be mama’s writing room. Buy your own tree-house. I waited sixty-four years for this tree-house!
Went to buy furniture the other day and the gentleman who waited on my husband decided to make fun of Yankees and to make disparaging comments, so we won’t be buying furniture there.
People are so worried about everyone else being racist, but that doesn’t stop them, does it?
The fine gentleman lost a $2,000 sale.
To end on a positive note, I love my new house, I absolutely love having two of my children and lots of grandchildren close by and I love that my daughter Jodie is ten minutes away from me. She is my Sunshine.
Love that my friend Michelle Marie is less than an hour away because she is my Pinkshine!
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Ambition
Have you seen my ambition? I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find it.
Nope. I did notice that you didn’t have much of it lately, but I thought you had put it away. Did you look in the upstairs closet?
Yes. I searched every inch of this house. Why would I put it away? That doesn’t even make sense!
I don’t know why you do the things you do. You do weird little things and I just pretend they’re normal.
Do you want me to try to help you find it?
No, that’s okay. Thank you. Wait. You have that funny little smirk on your face. Seriously, did you hide it?
Why would I hide your ambition?
Maybe so I would sit down and watch TV with you instead of running around the house, cleaning and cooking and gardening and writing.
Nope.
Well, I have to go look for it. This is sooooo not acceptable. I need my ambition and I’m not going to stop until I find it.
Bleeding Heart
Down to my last bleeding heart…
As I Go
I must leave pieces of myself behind
as I go and that used to frustrate me.
I wanted to gather up all the pieces
and take them with me
wherever I was going.
But I can’t gather up all the pieces
I already laid down…
I know because I have tried.
The flowers I planted
roses and lilacs and
daisies and sunflowers,
gathered with you by my side.
They must stay.
Even you cannot come with me this time.
I am giving you back your heart.
The raspberry bushes I have grown
the bed we sleep in…
I have to leave it all behind.
There is no other way.
As I prepare to leave the life
that I’ve poured my worth into
I realize I will be leaving
pieces of my spirit
as I move on to another place
another garden, another season.
I think I like the idea of leaving behind
pieces of my spirit because maybe, just maybe,
those little pieces of me were blessed
and they will comfort you.
Maybe one of my sunflowers will burst
from the earth I turned and help
your hurting heart smile again.
And maybe, just maybe, we’re supposed to
leave precious pieces of ourselves behind
to nurture others as we move on.
It is not easy but I must,
I must leave pieces of myself
behind as I go.
2018 Jeanne Marie
I Am Sixty-Five, Thank you Jesus
August 11, 2018
Thank you Jesus, for allowing me to live to the age of sixty-five, a blessing that many never receive and for helping me to learn to live with the wrinkles.
Thank you for forty-two years of sobriety with only one night of insane drinking.
Thank you for forty-two years of sobriety with only one night of insane drinking.
Thank you for the man in my life who has loved me with his entire heart. He loves me on my best days and even harder on my worst days.
Thank you for my daughter’s life, her sobriety, her sweet, forgiving, beautiful heart and the love that she showers on me. Thank you for the beauty that she sees in me.
Thank you for my four children, fifteen grandchildren and five great-grandchildren, my sisters, my family and my few, true friends.
Thank you for one beautiful house after another all the way up to fifteen, for the many moves you’ve allowed us to make safely and for all the wonderful places we’ve been able to explore.
Thank you that I can still walk when all my x-rays declare that I shouldn’t be able to get out of bed.
Thank you for the awesome gifts you tucked into my heart when you formed me, the ability to play with words and the creative ideas that flow through me.
Thank you for all the pretty clothes in my closet and all the books on my shelves.
Thank you for the successful surgery that allows me wear normal shoes for the first time in almost twenty years, and for my pink boots that I picked out as a birthday present.
Thank you for the music that blesses my life.
Thank you for the church that you led my body to because as you know, it blesses my spirit, even though it was 1800 miles away from my house at the time.
Thank you for every breath that I take and for every day I wake to find another chance. Amen.
Thank you for the church that you led my body to because as you know, it blesses my spirit, even though it was 1800 miles away from my house at the time.
Thank you for every breath that I take and for every day I wake to find another chance. Amen.
The Table & Chairs
My old table and chairs have been freshly painted and they’re adorable, but that’s not all there is to it.
They have traveled a long, rough road to land pretty on my front porch.
I’ll start with when I first remember seeing them in my mom’s living room. They were brand-new, white.
I was thirty-something with three young kids and my sister, seven years younger, had four young kids.
My mom had a small basement apartment underneath my aunt’s house, but she had one closet full of blankets and pillows that we would use when we slept over. We would just spread them all over the tiny living room and it would be wall-to-wall kids.
Mom never cared how small her place was, she always had room for all of us.
We would cook huge Sunday dinners in her little kitchen, and then we would all stand there together doing the dishes.
In the evening, after the kids would settle down, my sister would put a table-cloth on the little table and a candle. She would say we were in a French bistro.
Then she would ask me to read some of my poems, which I always just happened to have with me.
For an hour so, we would all be transported to a little café in France and I was the entertainer.
My mom was my first reader and fan, but they were all my very first audience and their love for my writing carried me on waves of encouragement.
I didn’t find out until many years later that my sister also wrote poetry, and I was stunned when I read it because it was so much better than mine. She always gave me the spotlight.
My mom passed away in 2009, and I don’t know when my older sister acquired the table, but she graciously gave it to me when I asked her for it last spring. She also gave me the round cushions.
The little set traveled eighteen hundred miles with me to my new home.
My husband spent days painting it and repairing the metal binding around the table. Butterflies surrounded him as he worked, even landing on his hands.
I scrubbed it down before it was painted and butterflies were landing all over it then too.
My mom is a butterfly, so I believe the restoration made her happy.
Now that it’s finished, just looking at it makes me smile, overcome by the flood of memories it invokes.
I had my coffee at it this morning and as butterflies flitted by, I could feel my family, young and unscathed by the heartaches yet to come, unburned by the tragedies and the pain we would all go on to experience.
Those were innocent days. I just didn’t know. I am thrilled to have the table to remind me.
Waves
Enjoy the waves of peace and happiness while you are riding high.
Soak up the sun and the sweetness so you will be strong when the waves crash down, because they will crash down.
Always have faith and believe that although the waves cannot last, they will rise again…
Waves will lift you up above your brokenness over and over.
That is what waves do.
It’s The Memories
We start out with nothing and we pick up a lot of things along the way. Some of the things are important and some of them are not.
Some of those things bring us joy and some of them bring us down. Some of them actually hinder us and so many hurt us.
Today, I sit here wondering, where are the letters I wrote to you when you were a baby?
In our crazy lives, we have moved so many times and lost so many material things, and I wonder, are baby letters material things or are they heart things?
I always tell you that you are my sunshine and the first time I told you that you were two years old.
I sat down that night and I wrote you a letter so that you would always know, no matter where you went, if we were together or apart, that you were a ray of sunshine in my life.
I sat down that night and I wrote you a letter so that you would always know, no matter where you went, if we were together or apart, that you were a ray of sunshine in my life.
Since then, we’ve put a lot of miles on our boxes and our possessions.
We have traveled to different states, to different apartments and lived in dozens of houses.
A lot of memory boxes have been lost along the way.
I spent a moment regretting those losses, wishing I still had your baby book and your brother’s Hot Wheels and Lego’s and your hippie christening dress, but then I remember that most importantly, I still have you and your brother, and all the moments I spent with your sister.
I own my memories and I don’t need to carry around all the boxes.
Even knowing that, I still have way too many boxes because every time I lose a memory box, I hold on tighter to stuff.
I think today I need to clean out some of the boxes and lighten my load because in the end we come with nothing and we leave with nothing.
It’s all the people we love in between our beginnings and our endings that matter and the things we carry around are not important.
The best things can’t be packed up in a box…the memories, the love and the moments.
The boxes are just stuff that can be lost.
The boxes are just stuff that can be lost.
We own our precious memories, the moments and the love already received, because those things are safe, packed in our hearts and in our minds.
Spirit Whispers 2
Spirit Whispers
Do not look at the things that you can see and touch. Do not look at your problems, do not look at the things that are blocking your way from what you call happiness.
Look at me, just look at me and you will walk toward the plans I have for you.
Just look at me and you will feel a calming peace flow through your veins.
Just trust me, my child and my plans will unfold before you.
Walk in faith for I am with you. I am always with you. Nothing that happens in your life can overcome the plans I have for you. Just take the next right step in faith.
Trust me.
His beauty surrounds us…
Spirit Whispers 1
Spirit Whispers
You are loved, you are so loved, you are loved beyond measure.
Love is all around you. Just shut your eyes for a moment and open your heart to receive.
It is in the air you breathe, the wind that cools your skin, the rain that falls on your face, the moon shining in your bedroom window as you sleep, the stars watching over you, the earth beneath your feet, the flowers I created just to see you smile, the ocean, the lakes and the life giving waters that flow at the touch of a faucet.
Man routed the water, but I created it for you because I love you.
You are loved by the birds singing good morning to you, you are loved by the butterfly that flies by your shoulder.
I created it all just to remind you how much you are loved.
You are precious, you are precious to me child and you are loved with every breath you take.
I remind you…you are loved…you are loved.
Happy Thanksgiving!
We had Thanksgiving dinner last night (August 20) and I baked a birthday cake for me, but nobody would sing happy birthday because my birthday was two weeks ago.
Here’s how it happened. I don’t usually do the grocery shopping, but I was at the store to pick up a few things, and as I walked by the frozen aisle, I saw turkey breast on sale.
I don’t know how you shop, but sales definitely influence my purchases.
I started fishing around in the bin and found an 8-pounder.
As soon as the turkey was in my shopping carriage, my mind started racing ahead to stuffing, potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce.
I started to feel excited, just like it was the real holiday and I thought why not?
Who says you can’t have Thanksgiving anytime you want?
Especially since I have a lot to be grateful for and so does my family.
My husband was flying back from visiting his mom in two days, so I set the turkey in the refrigerator to defrost.
I told him I was cooking him a special dinner and since he can usually read my mind, I told him to guess what it was, but he missed on this one.
When I invited my daughter and her son over for dinner, I told her we were having Thanksgiving dinner and she said, “Okay Mom.”
By the tone of her voice, I know she was wondering if I had taken my Cymbalta this week.
It wasn’t until the turkey breast was defrosted and in the pan that I realized it had legs and wings and it was actually a mini turkey, which turned out to be awesome because I found out at dinner that the only part of the turkey my grandson Jonas eats is the legs and the dark meat!
We forgot to take pictures, rare for me, but my grandson Jonas said grace for us and everything was delicious.
After dinner, I served my Swiss Chocolate cake with Butter Pecan frosting, even though I didn’t get an extra birthday song.
This morning I opened a sweet text from my daughter.
“I ate stuffin in the middle of the night mum, thank u for being u.”
Hey, if you want Thanksgiving dinner in August, cook it.
Plus, it was a great chance to see if I could still cook a big dinner!
Life flies by and tomorrow is not promised.
We’re having Christmas dinner next week.
Plus, it was a great chance to see if I could still cook a big dinner!
Life flies by and tomorrow is not promised.
We’re having Christmas dinner next week.
Happy Father’s Day Dad, Where Ever You Are…
FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS PIECES OF THE PUZZLE What type of man was your father when you were growing up? According to therapeutic folklore, every choice we make as women, every man we choose to love, stems from our relationship with our father. Whoa boy, if that’s true, then I’m in trouble! How about you? To […]
via Happy Father’s Day Dad, Where Ever You Are — Women Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie
Settling In
June 2
We are moved into the new house. Beds are setup and bathroom stuff, not much else. We are all about as tired as Miss Kita…
I totally love the house. The hardest part is over. It’s all fun from here, decorating, rearranging and settling in. Amen and thank you Jesus for such a beautiful home and thank you to my honey for finding it…
Arrived In Oklahoma
June 1, 1:07 P.M.
I woke up this morning knowing that I could run over to my daughter’s and have a cup of coffee. It was the most incredible feeling in the world. Like waking up on Christmas morning.
So, that is what I did and then we went to Wal-Mart and I bought a gorgeous, pink hibiscus and a couple of plants that she picked out. We also bought three quirky, pineapple glasses for the kids.
When I got back to the travel trailer, I got out my new bag of organic dirt and my plants and I gave them all some love and some water.
I re-potted a few and I replanted Jodie’s for her in cute little pots from my house in New Hampshire.
It was probably 90° and I just loved the healing heat on my skin. It made my aching bones feel loved.
I have been so tired of being cold, even in the summer, and I am loving the heat and the constant sunshine.
When I was done, I went inside and cleaned my little, temporary home.
After that, I took a long, cool shower, did my hair and laid on the bed with my puppies, doing Facebook and looking at WordPress.
I should have been looking at Facebook and doing WordPress, but oh well!
After few hours, I decided to take a nap and I fell asleep feeling blessed. I woke to my daughter texting me, saying, “come outside,” so I did!
She lights up my world and it was so unbelievable to have her outside my door on a whim.
Her friend Kelli, whom I love, was with her and they came in and sat down for a while.
Kelli said she loved my little home and as I looked around, I realized; I had made it a home, even if it was just for a few days. I had put homey touches all through the tiny rooms because today is only the day we have, and I knew that for a few todays, I would be living here.
We visited and when they were leaving, I told my daughter that she lit up my day by dropping by unexpected and I meant it with my whole heart.
Now, my honey is on his way from spending the day with his brother and he is bringing me and the dogs chicken for supper.
It has been a perfect day of physical rest and spiritual rejuvenation. I am grounded. I am home. I am healing.
Tomorrow at noon, we sign the papers on our new home and the hard work starts again, but I’m going to take it slowly, one piece at a time.
All the boxes are going in one bedroom and I’ll deal with them little by little.
God has blessed me so richly that I am overwhelmed and I thank him for this day and for all the wonders that I know he has in store for me with each day that he wakes me.
I wasn’t sure if I’d done the right thing pulling up my roots once more and traipsing across the country in a bouncy RV with everything I owned in a U-Haul behind me, but I knew when my daughter showed up at my door that my world was right and as usual God had led me in the right direction.
My grandson Jonas called me and thanked me for his new glass.
Then, Jodie called me and she told me that the kids said that their drinks tasted sweeter when they were drinking them out of a pineapple glass.
LOL
Amen.
And thank you, Jesus.
Adventures in Moving
May 25, 11:55 a.m.
I’m bouncing around in a travel trailer holding two dogs!
Now I’ll see how good I really packed it. We drove away with the storage (under the bunk bed) door open. You know, the place I stuck my writing files and picture boxes so they’d be safe. First, I panicked.
My honey said I was overreacting when I asked him if any of my boxes had fallen out. No, he didn’t go back to check. He told me my negative attitude was going to ruin the trip. BOOM! Then, I prayed and sang, “LET It Go.”
At least I’m writing.
PS Nothing was lost!
Notes From Moving
My little momma, throwing it together, beautifully as always, even moving a whole house. Super excited Jeanne Marie! I’m blessed beyond measure to have u moving closer. All the healing n growing we’ve done in past few years has filled a void I can never describe. It gives me hope of sharing myself with my own babies one day. Thank u for being my mum n my friend, love u always. Jodie Lynne
I’m so blessed to have you in my life as my daughter and as my friend and I love you to the end of the earth and back. Thank you for always loving me and for building me up…I can’t wait to have coffee with you anytime we want. I love you, Mum
Women Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie 
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