Tag: graditude

It’s The Memories

We start out with nothing and we pick up a lot of things along the way. Some of the things are important and some of them are not.
Some of those things bring us joy and some of them bring us down. Some of them actually hinder us and so many hurt us.
Today, I sit here wondering, where are the letters I wrote to you when you were a baby?
In our crazy lives, we have moved so many times and lost so many material things, and I wonder, are baby letters material things or are they heart things?
I always tell you that you are my sunshine and the first time I told you that you were two years old.
I sat down that night and I wrote you a letter so that you would always know, no matter where you went, if we were together or apart, that you were a ray of sunshine in my life.
Since then, we’ve put a lot of miles on our boxes and our possessions.
We have traveled to different states, to different apartments and lived in dozens of houses.
A lot of memory boxes have been lost along the way.
I spent a moment regretting those losses, wishing I still had your baby book and your brother’s Hot Wheels and Lego’s and your hippie christening dress, but then I remember that most importantly, I still have you and your brother, and all the moments I spent with your sister.
I own my memories and I don’t need to carry around all the boxes.
Even knowing that, I still have way too many boxes because every time I lose a memory box, I hold on tighter to stuff.
I think today I need to clean out some of the boxes and lighten my load because in the end we come with nothing and we leave with nothing.
It’s all the people we love in between our beginnings and our endings that matter and the things we carry around are not important.
The best things can’t be packed up in a box…the memories, the love and the moments.
The boxes are just stuff that can be lost.
We own our precious memories, the moments and the love already received, because those things are safe, packed in our hearts and in our minds.

Spirit Whispers 2

Spirit Whispers

Do not look at the things that you can see and touch. Do not look at your problems, do not look at the things that are blocking your way from what you call happiness.

Look at me, just look at me and you will walk toward the plans I have for you.

Just look at me and you will feel a calming peace flow through your veins.

Just trust me, my child and my plans will unfold before you.

Walk in faith for I am with you. I am always with you. Nothing that happens in your life can overcome the plans I have for you. Just take the next right step in faith.

Trust me.

His beauty surrounds us…

Happy Thanksgiving!

We had Thanksgiving dinner last night (August 20) and I baked a birthday cake for me, but nobody would sing happy birthday because my birthday was two weeks ago.
Here’s how it happened. I don’t usually do the grocery shopping, but I was at the store to pick up a few things, and as I walked by the frozen aisle, I saw turkey breast on sale.
I don’t know how you shop, but sales definitely influence my purchases.
I started fishing around in the bin and found an 8-pounder.
As soon as the turkey was in my shopping carriage, my mind started racing ahead to stuffing, potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce.
I started to feel excited, just like it was the real holiday and I thought why not?
Who says you can’t have Thanksgiving anytime you want?
Especially since I have a lot to be grateful for and so does my family.
My husband was flying back from visiting his mom in two days, so I set the turkey in the refrigerator to defrost.
I told him I was cooking him a special dinner and since he can usually read my mind, I told him to guess what it was, but he missed on this one.
When I invited my daughter and her son over for dinner, I told her we were having Thanksgiving dinner and she said, “Okay Mom.”
By the tone of her voice, I know she was wondering if I had taken my Cymbalta this week.
It wasn’t until the turkey breast was defrosted and in the pan that I realized it had legs and wings and it was actually a mini turkey, which turned out to be awesome because I found out at dinner that the only part of the turkey my grandson Jonas eats is the legs and the dark meat!
We forgot to take pictures, rare for me, but my grandson Jonas said grace for us and everything was delicious.
After dinner, I served my Swiss Chocolate cake with Butter Pecan frosting, even though I didn’t get an extra birthday song.
This morning I opened a sweet text from my daughter.
“I ate stuffin in the middle of the night mum, thank u for being u.”
Hey, if you want Thanksgiving dinner in August, cook it.
Plus, it was a great chance to see if I could still cook a big dinner!
Life flies by and tomorrow is not promised.
We’re having Christmas dinner next week.

Notes From Moving


My little momma, throwing it together, beautifully as always, even moving a whole house. Super excited Jeanne Marie! I’m blessed beyond measure to have u moving closer. All the healing n growing we’ve done in past few years has filled a void I can never describe. It gives me hope of sharing myself with my own babies one day. Thank u for being my mum n my friend, love u always. Jodie Lynne

I’m so blessed to have you in my life as my daughter and as my friend and I love you to the end of the earth and back. Thank you for always loving me and for building me up…I can’t wait to have coffee with you anytime we want. I love you, Mum

Moments

Happy Day

Love is…

 

 

My daughter sent me a picture of a rainbow and I told her it was awesome, that I love rainbows.
She said, “You silly gurl, you are a rainbow.”

Happy 64th To Me! (Last August)

A Tulsa Promenade Dillard’s Birthday
Happy 64th To Me!
Every year since I turned 60, I try to do something special for myself on my birthday.
This year, I spent the entire day at Dillard’s where my daughter, Jodie Lynne, works and we shopped during her lunch hour.
Of course, after she went back to work, I continued shopping!
Luckily, I love the clearance racks but a few full price items did sneak into my pile, lol.
After I wore my feet out shopping, Jodie convinced me to walk over and let the Edge Beauty Tulsa women give me a makeover.
She really did have to convince me because for some reason I felt shy about it…so thank you, Jodie Lynne.
It was an incredible experience!
First of all, if you know me, you know I would not want a normal makeover.
I wanted a pink makeover and my makeup artist Kalee delivered to the max.
The look began as a pink makeover but as it evolved, I decided I wanted to be a pink fairy and Kalee just went with the creative flow, giving me quick peeks and playing with the colors…
She was incredible to work with and so intuitive and open to what I wanted.
She didn’t act like she was working at all because she loves doing makeup so much that it was like she was playing, so we both had a blast and I felt like it was girl’s night out with a best friend.
Of course, the makeover ended with a glitter brush splash.
Kalee said I was like a ray of sunshine and that I had made her day. Wow. I can’t tell you how long it’s been since someone said that to me…
You know, I honestly haven’t been doing a lot of shining so the entire mother-daughter, Dillard’s Edge makeover with Kalee, shopping for myself experience brought out the sun-shiny part of me that’s been hiding.
And there’s a really funny thing about age. Sometimes it shows to the max and sometimes my age just seems to drop away and I become just me, just a woman who accepts herself no matter her age or her wrinkles.
By the time Jodie and I got home, I felt high as a pink cloud in the sky.
I put on one of my new outfits and some of Jodie’s very high heels, even though I had to squeeze a crippled foot into one of them. I also wore my awesome pink bracelet, a present from my best friend, Michelle Marie.
Jodie took pictures of me and I took selfies with her and we had a picture party.
Now, I have proof that I still know how to shine.
All I have to do is let go and play.
Huge thanks to all who were involved starting with Athena, who babysat Cole and Jonas, my grandsons and took them to play laser tag and to McDonald’s, freeing me to play.
Triple huge thanks to Jodie Lynne and Kalee.
And I cannot forget to thank all the wonderful people I met at Dillard’s as I flitted through the Cosmetics Department, meeting Jodie’s coworkers and her managers.

I also was blessed to have two grandsons with me to help celebrate that evening.
My ten-year-old grandson Cole had come to visit his Papa and me in NH for the summer.
He came the first week of June and I brought him home to Oklahoma this week.
We almost made our visit last until our birthdays, but we had to celebrate a bit early. Mine is August 11th and his is August 10th.
Usually we split the difference and eat our  carrot cake at midnight on the 10th.
We have spent the last few days at his Aunt Jodie’s and Athena’s house with his cousin Jonas and last night we celebrated three August birthdays.
We bought enough cake for the two non-birthday people (Jodie and Jonas) because it just seemed like the right thing to do.
I’m glad we did that because I ate the leftover chocolate cake this morning!
Cole’s dad picked him up this morning and they hugged forever.
When I got home to New Hampshire, my husband took me out for a seafood dinner, so all in all…
I never plan my birthday, I just let it unfold and this was one of the best and hopefully, I have many more to come.

Sometimes It’s Okay

She said, sometimes
it’s okay to just be okay.
She feels His strength
from her head to her toes.
He removes her shackles
and she drops her woes.
Minus the heavy chains
the wind kisses her hair.
Hope is unrestrained
deep breaths of cool air.
She said, sometimes
it’s okay to just be okay.

 

Let go…

Cherish…

Stay Golden

November flowers…

Jodie’s Jurni

Birds Are A Lot Like People

Birds are a lot like people.
Give them a cherry tree and a garden full of sunflowers and they’ll feed themselves all summer.
Yet, if you give these same birds a bowl of seeds every morning, they’ll squawk at your window because the bowl is empty, ignoring the food that requires work.
They’ll get fat on your seeds and poop on your lawn furniture.
There are some birds that you can give food to, like the hummingbirds and they’ll gratefully drink your sugar-water.
However, after a few sips or when the feeder is empty, they will continue to flit around the yard, drinking from the flowers.
They are grateful for the free food, but they are too independent to count on handouts.
Birds are a lot like people.

My Grandson Brought Me Butterflies

When I lived in Florida, I had hundreds of caterpillars and butterflies living in my Passion flowers.
My greatest pleasure in the morning was going out to see them on the porch screen waiting for me.
I know it’s hard to believe, but if you had seen their little faces pressed up to the screen waiting for me, you would believe.
I would whisper softly to them and they would land on me and land in front of me.
They would hold still and pose for pictures and if you know butterflies, you know they don’t hold still.
We moved back to New England almost three years ago and since then, I have been in short supply of butterflies. I’ve maybe seen five and they were tiny white ones.
My grandson Cole came in June to spend the summer with us. He’s been here for about three weeks and I have seen five or six huge yellow and black butterflies flying by my gardens, even doing flybys as I sit on my porch.
Yesterday, one flew right over my shoulder.
When I lived in Florida, I was known as the Butterfly Whisperer because they would land on me and pose for pictures.
Here in New Hampshire I have been the Butterfly Misser, but no more.
The butterfly drought is over.
Thank you, Cole.
You brought me butterflies.
Thank you, Michelle Marie for the art!

Hitch a Ride

Jeanne Marie and Michelle Marie

Untie Time

I wish I could untie time
rip it to shreds and then
put it all back together again
without the grief and the tears.
Throw away the bloody pieces
no… bury them in the ground
where they will never see
the light of present year.
Never a chance to beat me.
Never a chance to bind my soul.
No hands rebound…no, no.
Treacherous threads of minutes
Woven through my torn flesh,
Taking all, time imposed her limits.
My bounty ticked away so quickly
I couldn’t even catch my breath
My babies are grown, am I free?
Have I  passed the maternal test?
I wish I could untie time.

Letting me down gently…

Letting me down gently…

Wishing You A Fairy Good Day

Wishing You a Fairy Good Day

Pink Dreams

Pink Dreams

She wears butterflies…

Yesterday, as I looked at my butterfly covered sun-dress, I realized…

Memory Clutter

I was finally in the mood to start some spring cleaning and I decided to begin with my office.
As  I cleaned, I realized why I held on to so many mementos and gifts from the people I love.
It wasn’t the actual notes or the drawings, it wasn’t the colorful gift bags with ribbons and bows that captivated me.
No, what I was struggling to fit into this small room, aside from computers, printers, writing, books, CDs, tapes and boxes of pictures were the moments when the gifts had been created and given.
I wanted back the happiness and the love in each child’s face when they had handed the gifts to me.
The pride in my mother’s eyes when she handed me her handmade crafts and the warmth of my sister’s hugs, the memories remained in the gifts.
After so many years, these items still triggered every emotion imaginable.
The metal sculpture my twenty-five year-old grandson welded for me when he was twelve, a green pipe with a bowl.
It had made my teenage son laugh so hard because he said it looked like a bong.
“Bong?” I’d asked. He’d laughed some more.
The toys from McDonald’s that my grandson loved to give me for presents. The man who spun like a top but could never stand up, the mermaid that he took for me when he could have had a GI Joe, into the Goodwill bag they went, but my hand hovered over a miniature Blue Fairy.
I remembered watching Artificial Intelligence over and over with my grandson and he was so proud when he found me the Blue Fairy.
The movie was about a little robot boy who wanted to be a real boy and he searched for the Blue Fairy to help him.
I couldn’t drop the Blue Fairy in the bag. Four out of five is pretty good, right?
The huge finger paintings with crackling paint. My once tiny granddaughter’s handprints with mine certainly had to stay.
The plastic sunflower my toddler grandson had presented to me…running up to me with his little fist closed tight around a treasure, he had opened his little fingers to present the treasure. “Flower,” he’d said, full of pride. When I saw it was plastic, I knew I’d keep it forever.
The poster created by pain and love that my baby sister presented to me the day after my suicide attempt twenty-eight years ago, that did go into the trash.
I pulled off the pictures, but the memory of that day and how much I’d hurt my family still burned.
Huge envelopes and boxes for each of my four kids and boxes for half of my fifteen grandkids.
What should stay, what should go?
Would they remember the objects and would the objects mean to them what they meant to me?
Would my son and daughter clean out all this junk after I was gone, moaning at my eccentric, hoarding habits? I didn’t know.
I set the bag of donations aside so I could repack it. Another box to be saved.
I just couldn’t part with any of it right now, but I could clean another room tonight.
Who knew spring cleaning could be so emotional?

Don’t Let…