I Don’t Believe You

Letting go of your hand

although you tell me

I cannot stand

unless you are by my side.

You mixed your lies…

truth, shaken and blended

to create a sweet disguise

under your mask I did not peek.

No, I will not behave.

No, I will not be quiet.

No, I will not be a slave

to lies I once believed.

Tell me this…

where is the woman

I used to know?

Where is she now

where did she go?

Trying to leave

you beg me to stay

weak in the head,

I must be, because

suitcases are unpacked

clothes are put away.

Breathing ain’t easy

when you’ve been

crushed by the muck.

Leaving is hard

but it’s the staying,

oh ya, it’s the staying

that sincerely sucks.

 

I REMEMBER…I KNOW

wedding - Copy
I REMEMBER
Remember when you used to bring flowers home for me?
You would walk in the door after work with that sexy smile
Holding a dozen yellow and pink roses, for no reason at all.
Lunch box in your right hand, my flowers in your left
“Baby, Honey, Sweetie?” Names for me you would gently call.
I REMEMBER
Remember when we took a nap before dinner
Because we were too needing to wait for bedtime?
Sometimes all we did was giggle, snuggle and kiss
Sometimes the snuggling led to so much more
Loved your kisses, most of all, that’s what I miss.
I REMEMBER
Remember when we danced, how you held my body close?
So close my mama said it was indecent, your hands caressing
My back all the way down to my…well you know.
All my friends were jealous because with every move
With every touch, it was obvious you loved me so.
I KNOW
I know it is those memories that keep me trapped here
Because for years no loving touch have you been showing.
Years and years of silent and lonely days, dark and empty nights.
You buy me anything you think I want, when all I want is you.
Now, I cry myself to sleep, alone, after each mean and crazy fight.
I KNOW
I know we had something so intense, so strong
A love only one of us could have destroyed.
I know, dear God, I know, the exact moment it happened
Exactly when my handsome hero, my Marlboro Man,
Became a man who left me hanging over a black void.
I REMEMBER
Remember all the times I left our house, boxes in my hands?
Four times, with all I owned, swearing that this time was the last.
Remember how we both cried; remember how we felt so lost?
So home I came and tried again, to find your love, to find your heart.
Only one leaving left, so if you just sit and watch me hurting  again…
I promise you my last.