Her Boots Were Untied

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Went to a funeral the other day, the untied boot girl passed away.

She dared to stride, boots open wide, roaming about the town,

trailing her golden rawhide laces all over the ground.

People let her know, “Hon, your shoes are untied.”

“I know, but I don’t have time.”

She’d laughingly reply as she rushed by,

(Twas the very reason that she died.)

And when she fell, it weren’t no surprise.

“Shoot,” we all said, cause we’d always surmised,

“I knew she was gonna take a fall, didn’t you guys?”

“Don’t care if you don’t, have a nice day,

cause if you trip, it’s you who will pay.”

We’d mumble those words, as she passed by,

can’t say we hadn’t tried, wasn’t our fault

when the untied boot girl died.

Weren’t men, drugs or booze that finally took her down,

just some dumb ‘ol rawhide laces, trailing on the ground.

A rawhide lace knocked her on her ass

wiped the smile off her face

and now, she’s passed.

Once in a while I’d hopefully call out,

“Hon, you need to tie your shoes.”

“If I fall I won’t sue, isn’t that what’s worrying you?”

“Good thing Missy cause you won’t win.”

She’d charge off, on her face a big grin.

The girl simply loved to stroll with her boots open wide.

They say she was strutting about town,

when she fell off her high horse and died.

“Where are her boots now?”

I heard the old man politely ask.

“Well, they buried ’em with her

cause up in Heaven, your neck don’t break

when you fall on your ass.”

Now, I get up each morning and I tie my old shoes,

cause if I go down, I’d prefer men, drugs, or booze.

Inside The Picture

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Sitting on a porch swing
at her country home
I never saw a face
that looked so all alone.
She gazes into space
her eyes are far away
I wonder where she is
she isn’t in today.
I see a little girl
in the woman’s eyes
a hurt and lonely child
I hear her softly cry.
The pain of dreams now lost
the scars that still remain
when I look at her picture
all I can see is pain.
She captures my heart
I want to hold her tight
I run to save the woman
the girl hides in fright.
The girl plagues the present
with all her musty fears
if I could console the girl
I’d end the woman’s tears.

by Jeanne Marie, 1986

Empty Spaces


Empty spaces
trying to put my life
back together again
but I’m missing
some of the pieces
completely lost them
yes, I do know when.
Empty spaces
jagged edges
used to fit so well
wounds do not heal
pictures once complete
or almost anyway
faces gone, oh hell.
Empty spaces
where dreams fell
through the cracks
lost, in total disarray
chaos rules
blood drips red
suffering with
silent sadness.
Empty spaces
buried hopes lay dead
shivering, icy cold
heart turned to stone
not a thought
left in my head.

living rooms

 

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Sitting in our living rooms

with wall to wall carpets

imported from China.

Nibbling fruit from Mexico

eating nuts from Brazil.

We watch our Sony TV

but switch off the news.

The world is too scary

movies are much better.

 

When pictures fall…

women who think too much's avatarWomen Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

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When pictures fall
chills sliver up my spine
I try to catch the frame
before it hits the floor.
Catch it! Catch it!
Don’t let the glass smash
slicing paper memories
from when we believed
that our love would last.
How will I remember
what is supposed
to be mine, unless it’s
hanging in its frame?
Catch it! Catch it!
When pictures fall
memories are shattered
and in tears, I wonder…
why does it take disaster
to make me remember
just how much I love you
after all?
 

Jeanne Marie, 2014

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Barefoot At A Bus Stop In Delaware


Barefoot at a bus stop in Delaware
smoking a cigarette even though I quit
if there’s a good week to quit
I just decided…this isn’t it.
Watching the cars on the highway zoom by
wondering if this was a smart choice
now that my back is hurting, I want to cry
and on my face is the showing
if you saw me, you’d agree I think
no, I’m knowing.
The day is birthing and
I am surrounded by pink
my man is gone…
went to get coffee
I hope, I pray, I think…
cause I’d hate to be left
barefoot at a bus stop in Delaware.

Your love is raw…

 

I thought my love was true…so why do I always fantasize

about leaving us behind, running away from me loving you?

Your love is raw, it is bloody, it is deep.

Your warm, obsessive blanket covers my eyes, my empty girly head,

shielding me, protecting me at night, yet not heavy enough to let me sleep.

Lying wide-eyed in our king-size bed, the buried fights numb my head.

Your love, my shroud, my bad, my dead.

You call me to your side each night, honey, come to sleep.

Not unlike a small child, I run to you and snuggle under my pink blanket

on my corner of the mattress awake in the dark long after you snore.

Into the dawn I weep, tears leaving their dirty marks.

The weight of your need to possess me and my need for you cements my life.

It this all I’ll ever feel, is this all I’ll ever be, your woman, your girl, your wife?

Your need is soft, it is strong, it is rough, it is binding, it is smothering, it is fluff.

Your need has taken over my life which doesn’t even make any sense.

Becoming nothing, wanting something, I sit and scour my mind, trying to find myself.

Can I take care of me, this woman, this girl who will not speak?

Standing on the outside, looking through the tinted glass of our storm door.

I don’t want to come inside. Oh yes, I am sure.

Am I running from us because of our today or am I running from our pain-filled past?

I don’t know anymore.

No place left to hide.

Your love surrounds me, it saves me, until it drowns me.

Your love is raw, it is bloody, it is deep.

Angel Down

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She was young, she was free and she was whole
slivers of brilliance shone from her unfettered soul.
He drank from her radiant spirit; yet, his thirst was never quenched.
She became bone-weary, drained, wings tangled in his barbed wire fence.
Held the wire cutters in his right hand; should have set the fallen angel free.
Alas, his left hand was wrapped around the memory of what she used to be.
“Dead or alive,” he shouted into the night, “you are mine, you belong to me.”
She was drained, she was drained. ‘Twas not a whisper of resistance to be heard,
unless you counted her quiet tears, her anguished moans of pain so absurd.
His darkness disfigured a creature of sunshine and light,
but her prison was formed by her need to be loved by him each night.
Her own imperfections allowed her to be nothing and
her soft brown eyes gave out no telltale reflections.
It was her scars that bound her, forgiving, the elusive key.
She was content to wander aimlessly about his house each night
dreaming of the day that she would find the courage to set an angel free.

Sometimes It’s Okay

She said, sometimes
it’s okay to just be okay.
She feels His strength
from her head to her toes.
He removes her shackles
and she drops her woes.
Minus the heavy chains
the wind kisses her hair.
Hope is unrestrained
deep breaths of cool air.
She said, sometimes
it’s okay to just be okay.

 

What If…

What if I’m wasting today
wishing for yesterday
and then tomorrow comes
and all I accomplished
was wasting another yesterday?

I Want

I want to catch a snowflake
and send it straight to you
wrapped in icy sleet.
I want to shake the stars
scattering fiery sparks
until you remember our heat.
I want to chase the moon
following its midnight map
until the beams lead me to you.
I want to ease this heartbreak
returning my soul to a time
when my color wasn’t blue.

 

Under The House

women who think too much's avatarWomen Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

IMAG0547
The truth escapes me
Sifting down through
The cracks in the floor boards
To live beneath our home.
The walls absorb reality
Which never was quite clear
Facts taunt and tease
Sneak in when I’m alone.
Yesterday’s unwashed dishes
Fester in the sink
Mold grows in the cellar
Moving boxes still unpacked.
The truth lies under the house
It awakens me at night
It waits for me in my dreams
When I’m vulnerable to attack.
Behind the bathroom mirror
Demons guard the walls
The truth is not what it seems
Deceit covers reality like paint.

by Jeanne Marie

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THINGS I WISH I’D NEVER SAID TO MY DAUGHTERS

You have to wear a bra!

You’re too young to shave your legs and I don’t care if all the other girls your age are doing it!

I read your diary. We need to talk.

Yes, there are microphones hidden in your barrettes!

If you didn’t take my green eye shadow, then why are your eyelids green?

I’m gonna kill you!

I’m your mother and your father!

Take down those rock posters or I’ll tear them down!

I don’t believe you.

Never let your husband see you without your make-up on or your hair a mess!

Don’t ever let him see you in the green face mask!

You have to try harder and look better, after you’re married.

Cook him a big breakfast and have his supper ready when he comes in from work.

Are you gonna let him get up and make his own coffee?

Tough luck, life isn’t fair!

THINGS I WISH I’D SAID EVERYDAY

I love you.

Let’s all go out and play.

I don’t care if you make a mess!

Go to college and get a degree, before you have kids.

 

I’m Lost

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I’m lost
I’m found.
I’m gone
I’m here.
I’m up
I’m down.
I’m brave
I’m fear.
I’m love
I’m hate.
I’m joy
I’m tears.

Truth Lies

Truth lies
between us.
You mold it
you change it
you stomp it
until my composure
shatters like glass.
I didn’t say that
that isn’t what I said
you weren’t listening
I didn’t mean it that way
you’re just too sensitive
dont dare walk away
don’t put down your head.
Go ahead, close your eyes
you’re such a frigging bitch.
I do everything for you.
Reality is subjective
that I know is true.
I just don’t understand
the way you twist reality
wrapping it around my neck
when I won’t agree
shouting that I’m crazy.
Verbal abuse?
Oh no, never you.
It’s always me because
I made you so mad
so, your anger is my muse.

just be

A butterfly was pinned to the wall
God approached, loosened the pin
catching her easily in his hands
ever so gently, he broke her fall.

You trapped yourself my child
with your own fears and pain
just be, trusting in my love
I am with you all the while.

I Found Elvis in Oklahoma

I found Elvis in Oklahoma at the mall.
He sang to me about his Heartbreak Hotel
and I thought he’d slip me the key to his room
but Elvis, he just sang to me, that’s all.
He stayed alive long enough to say,
“What do you want with a mannequin anyway?”
I replied, “I love a man who doesn’t talk much,
who has nothing mean or bossy to say.”
“Well, ma’am,” he sighed,
“You ain’t got no grilled
banana/peanut butter sandwiches
in your hand and no offense, but
I’m dead and your hair is turning gray.”

Peter Pan

Peter Pan broke me.
He flew me among the stars.
He kissed me till I was dizzy.
He showed me Jupiter and Mars.
Then…he let go of my hand.
Peter Pan, you were just a little boy
I stupidly mistook for a man,
yet, here I still sit at my window.
Oh Peter, Peter Pan.

Most People

Most People
Most people touch something hot
and they don’t touch it again.
Most people feel pain and then
they stay away from
the thing that caused the pain.
She was different.
I don’t know why.
Maybe because pain was so familiar,
but when something hurt her
she held on and rubbed her heart into it.
She didn’t let it go. She held on for dear life.
Most people touch something hot
and they don’t touch it again.
But, she’s not most people material.

Untie Time

I wish I could untie time
rip it to shreds and then
put it all back together again
without the grief and the tears.
Throw away the bloody pieces
no… bury them in the ground
where they will never see
the light of present year.
Never a chance to beat me.
Never a chance to bind my soul.
No hands rebound…no, no.
Treacherous threads of minutes
Woven through my torn flesh,
Taking all, time imposed her limits.
My bounty ticked away so quickly
I couldn’t even catch my breath
My babies are grown, am I free?
Have I  passed the maternal test?
I wish I could untie time.

Dear God,

when I was down for the count
you never gave up on me
you always reached for my hand
offering to set my spirit free

when grief shoved every one away
you loved me with no conditions
and you never left my side
loving me with no exceptions

i fell into a well, dark and deep
there was no rope to be found
you lifted me out and calmly
set me back on solid ground

you whispered, you don’t need that
when I used drugs to numb the pain
my child just set that down
and you washed me clean with rain

on the darkest days you colored
pink behind the black clouds
you covered me in your grace
your love infinite, it has no bounds

you knew what was best for me
sad when I embraced the worst
you promised me i was loved
when all i felt was cursed

when I screamed, I cannot make it
i heard you whisper, yes my child you can
open your heart and reach out for me
oh child, please just take my hand

despite the days and nights I wasted
you simply gave me more
gently laying your hand upon my head
while i kicked and screamed on the floor

i never would have made it
without you holding on to me
stubborn child i placed myself in chains
a prisoner of self until you set me free

Not Named Us Love…

Perhaps if we had not named us Love
if we had just let emotions run free
we’d still be snuggled side-by-side
beneath the magic of you and me.
No expectations, no promises
just the touch of wanting hands
needs flowing and unbroken
uncrippled by Love’s demands.
Perhaps if we had not named us Love…

 

 

Inspired by   https://rebeccapells.com/2017/03/01/letting-go/

 

 

 

Distorted Image

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He shatters my self-worth
with a single sentence.
“You looked prettier before
you went back to work.”
Oh God, I’m nothing.
Wait. I go to the mirror
just to see for myself.
A familiar woman
sadly stares back.
I give her a smile
brush away her tears.
Hey, I look better
since I started working.
I realize, I am not the
woman he says I am,
I am the woman
my own eyes see.

Mid-Life Sanity (Newsletter, WWTTM)

women who think too much's avatarWomen Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

first love

There are many avenues that a woman can take as she approaches mid-life. It’s a sharp curve in the road, where her hair begins to go gray, perversely turning silver even in areas where it’s not very wise to use hair dye.

Her muscles begin to turn soft from the inside out and she’s so glad that girdles have come back in style. She can browse through the available styles and choose anything from super firm, all over control to a gentle control panel. (As if she had any control over her tummy.)

The varicose veins are drawing pictures up her thighs and she shops in the women’s department now because browsing in the junior’s department is just a fond memory since she turned forty. Her black silk stockings used to turn heads, now they hide the spidery lines that have a life of their own and her favorite outfit is a…

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storms

blue2
passions flew
winds blew
as the storm
roared through