The Princess

The Princess was sitting in her castle and she swore no man would she let woo.

She turned them all away as she said, no, not you, not you, not you, to myself I will be true.

She danced with her butterflies, she twirled in her flower gardens like when she was two.

She whispered to her flowers, confessing, I love you and you and you.

So happy was this woman that she vowed never to wed and then a Knight in dazzling armor appeared at the castle gates, the sun shining on his head.

She was blinded by his beauty, aura like spun gold and this one Knight she invited to her bed, visions of together growing old.

Prince Charming was his name and wow, that man tickled her fancy with his soft kiss and even if he just walked by, she would stumble and a step she would miss.

Well, we all know about no such thing as happy endings and soon the Princess gave up her other loves, like her writing.

She was busy twisting and turning and bending to keep the Prince happy, looking in her mirror-mirror and often sitting there silently for hours.

The Prince started kissing her less and less often and his voice for her…he no longer softened.

Many nights she cried herself to sleep, under so many full moons…she would weep and weep and weep.

Many moons later, she came to her senses, had the guards toss the Prince out and around her old gardens she built stronger fences.

This is a true story and you know it’s true, because I was the Princess and you, you were the Knight I gave my heart too.

Silly Princess, Stupid Boy, hard lessons, me and you.

Other’s Eyes

Butterflies flit around my face

morning does not stay

minutes turns to hours

as I duel with weeds and play.

I go out front and gasp

stock-still, in awe I stand

loving flowers of every hue

petals are caressed with hand.

Sun sets, splashing orange

and yellow across the sky

stunning, breathtaking

fiery colors fast-slipping by.

“Dear God, is this all just for me?”

“Child of nature, thumbs of green

butterfly whisperer, home garden queen,

send your pictures to other’s eyes

and they will bless all who see.

by Jeanne Marie

Full Moon Rises

Soul wanders
through the darkness
searching for your light.
It floats blind and lost
searching behind
the  stars each night.
Heat remembered
frustrates and
fuels the fire.
Full moon rises
sparking rebellion,
tears and desire.
I want! I want!
soul screams out
to the empty night.
Its over. It’s over.
Must be accepted
by each daylight.

Someone Like You

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I didn’t know
I could be broken
until I was shattered.
I thought I was stronger
and it wouldn’t matter
after all I’d been through.
I just wasn’t counting on
being destroyed by love
I just wasn’t counting on
someone like you.

Prime Time

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Commercials of women
Floating so sensuously
Through fields of daisies
Makes me feel old
Because I don’t dream
Floating dreams anymore.
My feet are on the ground
Set deep in reality, while
Gray runs through my hair.
I drifted in mid-air for a time
Until life and maturity
Caught me and I came down.
Swirling, endless descent
No daisies to sweeten
My head-first fall.
I wish that life were a commercial
And that I had a choice
Before I sponsored this show.

 

 

I Can

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I can bring the rain when there is a drought.

I can change the color of the clouds

using the sun to turn them inside out.

I can change the leaves on an orange tree

turn them to red in shades of fifty-three.

But, I can’t make you love me.

I Am Glass

I am glass and I am broken.
I am damaged.
Stay back
because
my sharp edges
will cut you
and my pain
will slice you.
My insanity will crush you
as my love chokes you.
I am glass and I am broken.

I Unwish The Wish…

My mind is clouded with thoughts
but none that I can speak.
The words have all been spoken and
thoughts disintegrate as I attempt
to form words that I could say.
My mind is burdened with memories
but I have no more sentences for you.
I wish I did.
My words will not make sense to you
as your’s make none to me,
we said everything that we could say
the silence is deafening
as we stare at the damn TV.
I wish…I wish…
I could just show you my heart
and that I could see yours
so that we could understand.
Then I remember how hard we
struggle with each other’s reality
and we don’t have a backup plan.
So I unwish the wish and
I write words that are my truth
over and over again.
Hoping my head will believe
the words that my soul writes.

Choices

She started to think about what she wanted to experience before she died and it went like this…she wanted to be made love to like he had never seen her before and she was the most precious thing in the world that he could ever touch or possess.
She wanted him to say her smile made his day and lit up his world.
She wanted him to hold her as he was sleeping, wrapped all around her and never letting go all night.
She wanted to dance around the bedroom with him at midnight. Dancing slow, to a country love song, held so tight she could barely breathe, dancing with the man she loved as he whispered, “I am so sorry, I didn’t know how much I loved you,” in her ear.
She wanted to be loved like that once more before she died.

Lost

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Sometimes I get lost inside my own mind

My body becomes just a shell

I forget who I am and where I wanted to go

I know it’s awful for you to watch me

Trapped inside myself, my blackness is hell.

My mind and my heart feel empty

With echoes of the past all that I can hear

I don’t mean to leave you to sit alone

But sometimes I’m just not here.

I don’t know where I go, yet it feels familiar.

I close my eyes and I fall down into sleep

Waves of calm wash through my bones, my mind

There. Now I don’t have to decide, feel or think.

I know I was broken, brain, soul and spirit

And there is no extra sticky glue

No modern pill or magic potion

That could bring me back,

Mended, to you.

If only I had known how sad

Together would turn out to be,

After you cut open my heart,

I would have walked away

And one of us would have been free.

by Jeanne Marie

Self-Destruct

I ran into a summer life
I tried it on
I tasted it
I loved it
I lost it
and I ran back to snow.
Why I didn’t keep on
tasting
loving
finding
I’ll never know.
Fear grabbed the wheel
drove me quite mad.
Panic navigated, flying
through mountains
sliding across icy roads,
dumped me back here
freezing in the bitter snow.

I Cannot Sleep. The Cats Are Crying.


On my garage stoop the cats are gathered
crying into the damp, dark mist that rises before dawn.
Sitting in a circle, they howl and whine and mew
like old women with a dilemma to ponder anew.
Another stray arrives but softly cries outside the circle
whimpering as he pleads for admission to the klatch.
The cats howl and whine and mew among themselves
and one fat grey cat snarls his veto. He is out-voted.
The sitting cats become silent and look into each
other’s glowing eyes, then, as one, they turn
their sullen eyes to gaze upon the stranger.
Their silence is inviting so the tenderfoot softly
pads into the circle and sits submissive.
The conversation resumes.
Cold air turning warm breath into smoke and eerie whispers
forming smoky words which crawl into my veins, raising hairs,
fears that have no name, foundation for terror that blooms.
There are no refreshments but the cats don’t seem to mind
stray cats are used to hunger, thirst, cold tea bags
and cigarette butts in the trash can-food that they find.
I’d set out milk and cookies if the cats were inviting
but although a stray myself, their yellow glares
remind me, I don’t belong. I’m not their kind.
The whining, mewling voices grow louder
anger colored by painful memories obviously arises.
Entranced, I listen in silence from my porch until
the meeting is adjourned, ending with screams of rage.
The strays go their separate ways, running,
running to the four corners of my fields.
One mangy calico remains at post beneath my window
to plead their case, to keep the vigil.
Crying with a newborn baby’s wail to my empty arms
while from the fields, the stray’s cries drift back to my ears.
I cannot sleep. The cats are crying.
I used to let them sleep in the garage but they peed on the racecar
and they crapped on the Snap-On tools.
They had heat, food and water, ladders to climb the rafters
but then, aren’t all stray cats a little rude?
I fed my babies milk and cookies
Nevertheless, I let their innocence die, so who am I to say?
Because in a perfect world they’d be no unwanted
babies, kids or cats called stray.
Babies whose only crime was that they sat on wells of oil
immobilized by a terrorist regime which ruled their world.
Their frightened eyes filled the TV cameras
which sent their pleas out to the masses.
Set them free from the terror we heard every day
so, we sent our sons and husbands and let them die.
War does not set babies free as we were led to believe
It is a power play to reline the coffers of the rich
deadly support for the hungry powers that we feed.
Yes, in a perfect world they’d be no unwanted
babies, kids or cats called stray.
I cannot sleep. The cats are crying.

Her Boots Were Untied

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Went to a funeral the other day, the untied boot girl passed away.

She dared to stride, boots open wide, roaming about the town,

trailing her golden rawhide laces all over the ground.

People let her know, “Hon, your shoes are untied.”

“I know, but I don’t have time.”

She’d laughingly reply as she rushed by,

(Twas the very reason that she died.)

And when she fell, it weren’t no surprise.

“Shoot,” we all said, cause we’d always surmised,

“I knew she was gonna take a fall, didn’t you guys?”

“Don’t care if you don’t, have a nice day,

cause if you trip, it’s you who will pay.”

We’d mumble those words, as she passed by,

can’t say we hadn’t tried, wasn’t our fault

when the untied boot girl died.

Weren’t men, drugs or booze that finally took her down,

just some dumb ‘ol rawhide laces, trailing on the ground.

A rawhide lace knocked her on her ass

wiped the smile off her face

and now, she’s passed.

Once in a while I’d hopefully call out,

“Hon, you need to tie your shoes.”

“If I fall I won’t sue, isn’t that what’s worrying you?”

“Good thing Missy cause you won’t win.”

She’d charge off, on her face a big grin.

The girl simply loved to stroll with her boots open wide.

They say she was strutting about town,

when she fell off her high horse and died.

“Where are her boots now?”

I heard the old man politely ask.

“Well, they buried ’em with her

cause up in Heaven, your neck don’t break

when you fall on your ass.”

Now, I get up each morning and I tie my old shoes,

cause if I go down, I’d prefer men, drugs, or booze.

Inside The Picture

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Sitting on a porch swing
at her country home
I never saw a face
that looked so all alone.
She gazes into space
her eyes are far away
I wonder where she is
she isn’t in today.
I see a little girl
in the woman’s eyes
a hurt and lonely child
I hear her softly cry.
The pain of dreams now lost
the scars that still remain
when I look at her picture
all I can see is pain.
She captures my heart
I want to hold her tight
I run to save the woman
the girl hides in fright.
The girl plagues the present
with all her musty fears
if I could console the girl
I’d end the woman’s tears.

by Jeanne Marie, 1986

Empty Spaces


Empty spaces
trying to put my life
back together again
but I’m missing
some of the pieces
completely lost them
yes, I do know when.
Empty spaces
jagged edges
used to fit so well
wounds do not heal
pictures once complete
or almost anyway
faces gone, oh hell.
Empty spaces
where dreams fell
through the cracks
lost, in total disarray
chaos rules
blood drips red
suffering with
silent sadness.
Empty spaces
buried hopes lay dead
shivering, icy cold
heart turned to stone
not a thought
left in my head.

living rooms

 

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Sitting in our living rooms

with wall to wall carpets

imported from China.

Nibbling fruit from Mexico

eating nuts from Brazil.

We watch our Sony TV

but switch off the news.

The world is too scary

movies are much better.

 

When pictures fall…

women who think too much's avatarWomen Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

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When pictures fall
chills sliver up my spine
I try to catch the frame
before it hits the floor.
Catch it! Catch it!
Don’t let the glass smash
slicing paper memories
from when we believed
that our love would last.
How will I remember
what is supposed
to be mine, unless it’s
hanging in its frame?
Catch it! Catch it!
When pictures fall
memories are shattered
and in tears, I wonder…
why does it take disaster
to make me remember
just how much I love you
after all?
 

Jeanne Marie, 2014

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Barefoot At A Bus Stop In Delaware


Barefoot at a bus stop in Delaware
smoking a cigarette even though I quit
if there’s a good week to quit
I just decided…this isn’t it.
Watching the cars on the highway zoom by
wondering if this was a smart choice
now that my back is hurting, I want to cry
and on my face is the showing
if you saw me, you’d agree I think
no, I’m knowing.
The day is birthing and
I am surrounded by pink
my man is gone…
went to get coffee
I hope, I pray, I think…
cause I’d hate to be left
barefoot at a bus stop in Delaware.

Your love is raw…

 

I thought my love was true…so why do I always fantasize

about leaving us behind, running away from me loving you?

Your love is raw, it is bloody, it is deep.

Your warm, obsessive blanket covers my eyes, my empty girly head,

shielding me, protecting me at night, yet not heavy enough to let me sleep.

Lying wide-eyed in our king-size bed, the buried fights numb my head.

Your love, my shroud, my bad, my dead.

You call me to your side each night, honey, come to sleep.

Not unlike a small child, I run to you and snuggle under my pink blanket

on my corner of the mattress awake in the dark long after you snore.

Into the dawn I weep, tears leaving their dirty marks.

The weight of your need to possess me and my need for you cements my life.

It this all I’ll ever feel, is this all I’ll ever be, your woman, your girl, your wife?

Your need is soft, it is strong, it is rough, it is binding, it is smothering, it is fluff.

Your need has taken over my life which doesn’t even make any sense.

Becoming nothing, wanting something, I sit and scour my mind, trying to find myself.

Can I take care of me, this woman, this girl who will not speak?

Standing on the outside, looking through the tinted glass of our storm door.

I don’t want to come inside. Oh yes, I am sure.

Am I running from us because of our today or am I running from our pain-filled past?

I don’t know anymore.

No place left to hide.

Your love surrounds me, it saves me, until it drowns me.

Your love is raw, it is bloody, it is deep.

Angel Down

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She was young, she was free and she was whole
slivers of brilliance shone from her unfettered soul.
He drank from her radiant spirit; yet, his thirst was never quenched.
She became bone-weary, drained, wings tangled in his barbed wire fence.
Held the wire cutters in his right hand; should have set the fallen angel free.
Alas, his left hand was wrapped around the memory of what she used to be.
“Dead or alive,” he shouted into the night, “you are mine, you belong to me.”
She was drained, she was drained. ‘Twas not a whisper of resistance to be heard,
unless you counted her quiet tears, her anguished moans of pain so absurd.
His darkness disfigured a creature of sunshine and light,
but her prison was formed by her need to be loved by him each night.
Her own imperfections allowed her to be nothing and
her soft brown eyes gave out no telltale reflections.
It was her scars that bound her, forgiving, the elusive key.
She was content to wander aimlessly about his house each night
dreaming of the day that she would find the courage to set an angel free.

Sometimes It’s Okay

She said, sometimes
it’s okay to just be okay.
She feels His strength
from her head to her toes.
He removes her shackles
and she drops her woes.
Minus the heavy chains
the wind kisses her hair.
Hope is unrestrained
deep breaths of cool air.
She said, sometimes
it’s okay to just be okay.

 

What If…

What if I’m wasting today
wishing for yesterday
and then tomorrow comes
and all I accomplished
was wasting another yesterday?

I Want

I want to catch a snowflake
and send it straight to you
wrapped in icy sleet.
I want to shake the stars
scattering fiery sparks
until you remember our heat.
I want to chase the moon
following its midnight map
until the beams lead me to you.
I want to ease this heartbreak
returning my soul to a time
when my color wasn’t blue.

 

Under The House

women who think too much's avatarWomen Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

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The truth escapes me
Sifting down through
The cracks in the floor boards
To live beneath our home.
The walls absorb reality
Which never was quite clear
Facts taunt and tease
Sneak in when I’m alone.
Yesterday’s unwashed dishes
Fester in the sink
Mold grows in the cellar
Moving boxes still unpacked.
The truth lies under the house
It awakens me at night
It waits for me in my dreams
When I’m vulnerable to attack.
Behind the bathroom mirror
Demons guard the walls
The truth is not what it seems
Deceit covers reality like paint.

by Jeanne Marie

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I’m Lost

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I’m lost
I’m found.
I’m gone
I’m here.
I’m up
I’m down.
I’m brave
I’m fear.
I’m love
I’m hate.
I’m joy
I’m tears.