Category: All Over The Place
Found, Not Lost

I slipped into living in the moment Saturday morning. I didn’t plan it and that’s how it happens best.
I bought flowers on Thursday afternoon. On Friday, it was freezing and windy, so I had to leave creating a patio garden around my little trailer for another day.
I picked a bouquet from the hibiscus and the roses, and I spent all day Friday taking pictures.
Saturday morning, when I woke, it was still cold. I peeked outside and I could feel the sun on my face, so I pulled on a warm shirt and long pants and I went outside with my coffee.
Then, I played with the flowers.
As I trimmed and repotted the plants, I fell into my old familiar rhythm.
I started gardening with my mum when I was a toddler and she generously passed on her green thumb to me and to my two sisters.
I didn’t save any gardening tools when I downsized to the trailer because I promised myself that I would never buy and fill up another house and yard only to leave them when I moved. (I have left over fifteen houses and fifteen gardens behind in my travels.)
I thought I could simply stop growing plants and flowers, but my longing for a garden said no.
Then, I remembered driving from New Hampshire to Oklahoma with a dozen plants in the back of my pickup truck. They not only survived; they had a growth spurt during the three-day trip.
The idea for a traveling, patio garden was born.
I bought three unique hibiscus plants, aloe, two stunning rose bushes, tulips, a philodendron, cyclamen and two plants just because they were pink. No, I don’t know their names. They waved hello to me and I scooped them up.
I also bought Jungle Growth soil, Black Cow manure, Miracle Grow plant food, organic bug spray, flowerpots, and gardening shears.
I didn’t think about a trowel; but I found out that with potted plants, a fork loosens the soil nicely.
Later, as I was cleaning the mess I had made, I realized that I had been totally in the moment, lost in what I was doing for over three hours.
I felt so relaxed and so happy. The euphoria lasted the rest of the day and I realized that I didn’t lose myself in the plants, I found myself.
Working with soil and nurturing flowers is as integral to who I am as writing and I pray that I never forget that again.

My Funny Valentine
My baby girl, last year.
it’s life’s illusions…
When Angels Whisper (2)

Pick her up. I’m done and I mean it.
NO! No, we can’t give up on her yet! We have never given up on anyone. She’ll be the first and I hope you ran this by Him because He doesn’t give up on anyone. Let me try. Please. Don’t give up on her. That will turn out bad.
You’re not in charge. I am. And you? You’re still in training.
You have nothing to lose. You’re facing your first failure. Why not let me try?
What can you do that I haven’t already done? This woman slides back down every time she climbs up. If she could have learned her lesson, she would have learned by now and I believe she is hopeless. Her fear wins, over and over and over. She has me suicidal and I’m an angel.
This woman could earn me my wings and save you from your first surrender.
Besides, He said no one is so far down that He can’t reach them, and He expects us to feel the same way, to conduct ourselves to reflect His truth. You’re exhausted. Don’t make a fatal decision out of frustration. Let me try. I hate to think where you’ll be assigned if you give up.
I suppose you’re right. I’m so tired and my wings are feeling heavy. I’ll give you one chance, but if she doesn’t show improvement, I’m done, and my last assignment will be to send you back to start your training all over again.
Deal! You won’t regret this, I promise. Want to brush wings?
Don’t push your luck.
When Angels Whisper (1)
When Angels Whisper…
The Head Exam
Women Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie
Last night I examined my husband’s head. He put his finger on his head and said, “What is this?”
“It is your head,” I replied.
“No, no, what is this bump?”
I have had no medical training and do not possess any particular medical skills, but I felt more than qualified to examine his head because I have been rubbing his head while he falls asleep for 30 years.
Hmmmmm. My first diagnosis was that it was a bug bite. Or maybe an allergy to shampoo. Maybe a spider bite. Hmmmmmm. Wait a minute. Another spot.
“Two spots. This is serious now,” I said. “I think you have been in the sun way too much and this may be skin cancer.”
I described the bumps to him.
“They are raised and looked healed, but they are red. Could be eczema or maybe lesions. Maybe it’s those worm bugs that get…
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Happy New Year!

Gorgeous Florida Sunset…
Gorgeous Florida sunset last night…




Merry Christmas from Florida
Merry Christmas from Florida

From my baby book…
From my baby book…

Christmas Remembering
Women Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

As I unpack the Christmas decorations, my memories flow.
I feel my mom all around me because Christmas was my mom’s favorite time of the year. She is the spirit of Christmas to me.
I still see her smiling as she sewed. Doll clothes for presents and our handmade Christmas stockings with our names embroidered at the top.
I’m not sure why it was her favorite because it was also her hardest time of year, with my dad drinking and crazy and hating Christmas.
But, it was and she always made sure…somehow, someway, that there were a few presents and a lot of love surrounding her kids.
I’m thankful that she taught us that it was Jesus’s birthday, not get presents day.
I remember rolling hundreds of Italian Cookies with her, every year.
She packed them in tin cans and gave them away.
Sometimes we had family over for the…
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August Is Gone, September 2012

I think about it. Maybe I’ll take the month of August off and go to a place where I can be alone and I can think for myself.
Make my own decisions.
My birthday was last week and I turned fifty-nine.
How did I get from twenty-seven to fifty-nine so quickly?
Why did I not realize that not making a decision and sleeping my time away so that I wouldn’t think, was a decision in itself?
The days blur together and the months sneak past, quick as the black racer snake that lives in my garden, slithering by my feet as fast as a bubble can burst.
My bubble has burst many times, but I just waited among the shadows for another bubble to shelter me.
I have been foolish, thinking that there is always another bubble and there will always be another August, even though I know that all I have this is very minute.
Yes, I let another August pass me by and I sit here wondering, how, why?
What if that was my last and final August?
It seems like yesterday that I was diapering my babies and now, they are grown.
My arms and my hands are empty and just as surely as my babies grew too large to hold in my arms, another August is gone.
It’s December
Women Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

It’s December.
We start out searching for the perfect presents for our kids and we spend our lives trying to find them something they will love, so that we can hand it to them and watch their little faces light up.
Like the Cabbage Patch doll that was impossible to get, but we got one and the Transformer that was not to be found, but we found one.
Presents that just for a minute, light up their eyes.
It’s December and there is not much time left to find the perfect presents.
I have so many presents, but they are spread all over my house and all tangled up in my mind, and they are not wrapped pretty.
I don’t know if I’ll have time to put on the ribbons and the bows before I leave.
I want to leave them self-confidence and emotional security.
I want them to know that they were loved…
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Thankful for the things that I have left behind…

This might sound strange, but the things that I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving are the things that I have left behind.
This past year for me has been a year of change, letting go and personal growth.
I have let go of so much more than material objects, although I filled my porch with boxes and bags for the trash or the yard sale when I emptied and sold a ten room house.
I let go of three closets and three bureaus filled with clothes.
I let go of trying to earn love. Love is only valuable when it is freely given.
I let go of expecting people to be someone they are not, rejecting the unacceptable behavior and accepting the good. Yes, I let go of my happy-ever-after fantasies, so that I could enjoy today.
I let go of worry about my future and while I still plan, I am only living in today.
I let go of my old habit of saying yes, when I wanted to say no, and I don’t do things I don’t want to do anymore.
I let go of the guilt and the shame and the anger I have always carried over my mistakes and other’s mistakes because I have carried that negativity long enough. Those emotions were so heavy.
I let go of shopping to fill a void.
I let go of cooking unless the mood hits me.
I let go of thousands of books, and I never dreamed that I could get rid of my books.
I let go of owning my own flower garden. Now, I enjoy other people’s flowers.
I am even learning to let go of trying to hold back time.
So, I am thankful for the feelings and possessions I no longer carry and the huge house I no longer have to clean. This feels like freedom to me.
My five-year-old granddaughter explained to her dad, “Grammy wears a disguise because she is not really a Grammy, she is a kid. She plays like me.”
What more could I ask for, than to be told that I have the spirit of a child?
So, the things that I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving are the things that I have left behind.
Holiday Cooking
Women Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie
How many of you almost froze your fingers off trying to get the neck and /or giblets out of the dang Christmas turkey? Well, my bird was as thawed as thawed could be. Except for inside, where the stuff was wrapped, in a plain white wrapper, which wouldn’t budge. After thirty minutes of spraying hot water into the cavity, much yanking, a few curse words, and one screwdriver, (non-liquid) I triumphantly jerked the stuff out of the turkey, whom by this time, I’d begun to feel sorry for. As I pulled it’s neck and body organs out from under it’s own ribs, I couldn’t help but think; this bird had been alive, hopefully, not so long ago, and what a sorry way to end it’s life. Undignified, to say the least. (As if I ever say the least!) Then I got to wondering—why can we send a man to the…
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Breaking Up With Time

I do not trust you anymore.
You are not nice.
I don’t care how good we used to be together. You are sly and you are sneaky, and you are hurting me.
I go to sleep and you do horrible, cruel things to my body.
The damage you have inflicted on my body, especially over the past year is unbelievable.
Your actions are silent, so I didn’t even realize what you have been up to lately, not until I went into the bathroom to take a shower. I catch a glimpse of myself naked in the new full-length mirror. My first reaction is shock. My second reaction is grief. Tears join the shock and the grief.
When I see what you have done to my backside, I begin gasping for air. My cute little behind is gone, just totally gone. Two empty sacks have replaced the flesh I had considered mine. The backs of my legs resemble cottage cheese that has gone bad. Real bad.
Yes, I lost too much weight, but did you have to twist and punch everything I have left?
The only body parts you haven’t dominated yet are from below my knees to my ankles. (I just checked to make sure you didn’t re-sculpt them while I was writing.)
My hair, my feet, my legs, my breasts, my arms, my neck, my face, my ears, every day I find new damage.
I would like to say I am above pride in my physical appearance, but that would be a lie. I’ve never been a beauty, cute I’m always told, but cute and undamaged was good enough for me.
I trusted you for so long. You were mostly kind to me. You treated me with respect, and you were gentle with my body, for over sixty years.
I was aware that you had a bit of a mean streak, but I trusted you anyway.
Yes, there were many red flags, but I ignored them.
I was only thirty-six when I told you, “I like the grey streaks you painted in my hair. My mom had the same streaks, so I wear them with pleasure.”
You smirked, and I should have left you in the dust right then, but I didn’t.
When you pulled my hair out a few years later, I adjusted. It was never abundant anyway and as it thinned out, I just pinned it up. I asked you to stop and you just smirked, again.
You kicked the heck out of my spine long ago, so I knew you could be extremely cruel, but I thought we had leveled out, reached an agreement to be kind to each other.
When my breasts deflated, almost overnight, I said, “Oh well. I can live without plump breasts and long, flowing hair,” and then, I threw my stupid bras away.
Last summer my young grandson said to me, “Grammy, your arms are wrinkled and soft like Jell-O.” He poked one to show me.
I looked down and sure enough, it was true. Why hadn’t I noticed?
Not done yet, you had redesigned my arms.
I explained to him that it was nicer to tell a woman what was right about her, instead of what was wrong. I told him I was getting older. We agreed to close the subject of my jiggledy arms, and he gave me a hug. I was even proud of myself for handling the discovery so well.
However, my backside is the last straw and now I see that pulling my hair out wasn’t even enough for you.
My hairdresser told me last week that my fake blonde hair is breaking off by the handfuls, no more blonding it. Blonde has been my disguise for thirty years, you jerk.
As I have slept, you’ve ravaged me. You’ve reworked one body part at a time, and I was blissfully unaware that you were indulging your freakish addiction to playing sculptor with my body.
You have gone too far, my old friend.
I’m breaking up with you at once, while I can still walk and still have clothes that fit.
TIME, you can go play your ruthless games somewhere else.
P.S. I placed the mirror on the other side of the bathroom door too. Just in case TIME doesn’t honor the break-up. I have a feeling that I’m going to need a restraining order.
About Writing
Women Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie
It seems to me that when I have time to write, my mind doesn’t cooperate and I don’t have a thing to write about anyway. Yet; when I’m busy, I have so much to write about and I don’t have the time.
I’ve been thinking about it because I have been extremely busy this past year, flying all around the country at least once a month and sometimes more often.
I’ve met three great grand-babies in two states, attended my nephew’s funeral, driven my daughter (who lives in Oklahoma) to court three times and then one more trip to deliver her to serve her sentence, reconciled with a sister and a daughter I have been separated from for about ten years, made several long over-due visits to family and my adventures have included numerous miracles.
I also had a miraculous operation on my right shoulder three years ago and I…
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I hope you dance….
I hope you dance…

Spirit Whispers 9

I’m so lost…
No, you’re not my child.
I’m right here.
I know exactly where you are today, and I see where you are going tomorrow.
Just release your fears to me and take the next right step.
To my broken tribe…Lost in sadness
I love your empathy, the gentleness and the strength of your words.
“To my broken tribe of sweet sad hearts, I offer my hand and this space to you. I’m here, you know how to find me.”
“Why am I so sad,” she asked?
This is to my broken tribe of loved ones, those I hold dear, those I sit with as they cry~with no answers but to offer a word of comfort. What do you say to the broken one who comes from years of emotional abuse? What do you say to the one who has been suddenly left without a trace of love? What do you say to her when her beloved dies, leaving them to pick up the pieces? How do you help someone that is lost in sadness? Lost in the past and the memories and thoughts that play over and over in her mind, tormenting her soul? I’m not sure if there is anything I can say to make it better. All I know to do is tarry with you as you find your way back to wholeness. Someone did this for…
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Don’t Let The Sun
Don’t let the sun go down on me…

Not A Whisper Remained

I searched my hometown for a trace of me…but not a whisper remained.
Never Too Old…
it’s life’s illusions…







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