August Is Gone, September 2012

I think about it. Maybe I’ll take the month of August off and go to a place where I can be alone and I can think for myself.
Make my own decisions.
My birthday was last week and I turned fifty-nine.
How did I get from twenty-seven to fifty-nine so quickly?
Why did I not realize that not making a decision and sleeping my time away so that I wouldn’t think, was a decision in itself?
The days blur together and the months sneak past, quick as the black racer snake that lives in my garden, slithering by my feet as fast as a bubble can burst.
My bubble has burst many times, but I just waited among the shadows for another bubble to shelter me.
I have been foolish, thinking that there is always another bubble and there will always be another August, even though I know that all I have this is very minute.
Yes, I let another August pass me by and I sit here wondering, how, why?
What if that was my last and final August?
It seems like yesterday that I was diapering my babies and now, they are grown.
My arms and my hands are empty and just as surely as my babies grew too large to hold in my arms, another August is gone.