Mother’s Day. Thank You For The Mother’s Day Gift

I wrote this in 2007…

women who think too much's avatarWomen Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

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When you were in the first grade you pressed your tiny hands into finger paint. I still have your red handprints on the faded yellow construction paper. Your teacher helped you to paste your picture beneath the handprints and you gave me the gift for Mother’s Day. The gift hung on my wall for so many years and then I tucked it away in your box.
There are mementos of each year we’ve been together in your box. Your pink cotton prairie dress which was your hippy mom’s idea of suitable attire for a christening, the crafts you made me at summer camp, the yarn rugs, the pot holders, the blue pottery teddy bear that Nana helped you make for me, the Christmas ornament with the picture of you that you hate (you were in that awkward stage) and just about every card, note and gift you’ve ever given me…

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Jodie Lynne

women who think too much's avatarWomen Who Think Too Much by Jeanne Marie

You can’t keep a fairy angel
on the ground
You can imprison her
Take away her ability to fly
Hold her down, for a while.
But as soon as the light hits her face
She will shake herself free.
She will fly
She will laugh
She will love
She will leave her addictions in the dust
Cause you can’t keep a fairy angel on the ground.

by Jeanne Marie

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Middle Child (Jodie Lynne)

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Middle child, where do you fit in?
You fought for my attention
but did you ever win?
You surely have it now
although painfully gained.
You capture me with crisis
then, I shake loose again.
Middle child, I know you well,
you speak to me of your dreams
your fears and your babies lost.
People judge you harshly
but once you lived beneath
my heartbeat…
so, together we pay the cost.
I can’t catch you when you fall
but I’ll bandage up your knees
just like when you were five
and asphalt tore through your jeans.
“Don’t run,” I’d holler out the door
as off to play you’d tear.
You never heeded my warnings
took on the world without a fear.
Twenty-two this month and still…
my warnings fly into the wind
blowing every which way
following you aimlessly around.
Perhaps you’d stop to listen
if you knew that my heart bleeds
each time your knees hit the ground.
My daughter, my middle child
I loved you when you didn’t know
when my hands were full with others
or when my feelings didn’t show.
We’ve had our ups and downs
but I’ll never let you go.
Middle child, where do you fit in?
My quintessence has a
special niche for you
tucked beneath my ribs
right where you’ve always been.
by Jeanne Marie, 1997

Maggie Mae and her purse…

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I was getting ready to leave for the airport this morning and realized that Maggie Mae was planning on coming with me. I didn’t get out today and rearranged to leave Saturday, so she eased up on her packing. She didn’t realize that she wasn’t going with me and I’m not gonna tell her until I hug her goodbye on Saturday.
She loves her new sister and her new Daddy so she will be fine, but I’m already missing her. If you haven’t been following my saga, “Jodie’s Journey” I adopted Maggie Mae when her Momma, my daughter Jodie, went to prison April 7.
I’m going to Oklahoma to meet my third great grand baby, Violet Dawn, just a little over two weeks old! Met Carter, my second great grand baby last month. He is just over two months old and I met Ricky, my first great grand baby at the same time. Ricky is a handsome one-year-old. Grand baby number 14, courtesy of my son Rick and his angel Jessica, is due in December. It is The Year of the Babies for us.

For Jodie Lynne

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I send these flowers by the way of God’s winds
No walls or bars could ever stop them from getting in…

I Won’t Give Up…

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Beyond The Blue Bars…The Pink Is Waiting For You

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Grammy, how long is three years?

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For Jodie Lynne

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Jodie’s Journey April 12, 2014

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Jodie’s Journey
I took my daughter, Jodie Lynne, to Muskogee County Jail on Monday afternoon. She voluntarily turned herself in that day and signed a plea agreement to serve three years in and 17 years of probation. She was forced to sign it or go to trial and the Public Defender promised her 20-to life if she went to trial. I call that blackmail as they had a shaky case to begin with. Her crimes were small, but numerous, piling up during her many years of drug and alcohol addiction.
The Public Defender would not allow me in the room while she read and signed the agreement.
She has no history of violent crimes or crimes involving people. Before she signed the plea deal, I requested long-term drug rehab; even prison rehab and the Public Defender told me NO WAY.
He said that there is no money for treatment programs in Oklahoma. (BTW: OK prisons have more women in jail per capita than any other state.) He also said that she would sit in county jail for eight months waiting for a non-existent treatment slot to open and that would be horrible for her.
Twenty-years, three in and seventeen-years of probation. If she sneezes, she will do twenty-years. And she is a sneezer. She received that sentence for non-violent crimes. She will turn 39 in jail and her first grandchild will be born soon.
Meanwhile, rapists, child molesters and murderers do less time. They get out and do it again. Sometimes within a week.
The man who killed Jodie’s first husband, Donny, had numerous convictions for drunk driving, numerous court ordered rehabs, no license and his blood tested positive on the morning of the accident, positive for alcohol and for drugs at 8:00 a.m.
My son-in-law’s motorcycle was stopped at the red light. M. H. drove right through that red light. He killed my son-in-law. I had to call in the Tulsa news before he was even charged with a crime. He did fifteen months in prison.
I am not excusing my daughter’s crimes, but doesn’t rehab make more sense for an addict who hasn’t found sobriety?
The worst part is that we could not afford a lawyer and justice is for people who can afford a lawyer. Take my word for it, because that is one theory you do not want to test. Actually, Jodie did spend $3,500 on a lawyer but he dropped her case when she couldn’t pay the second half, another $3,500. (Thank you, Steve, for trying to get her a lawyer. I know you are still paying that loan.)
When Jodie walked into MCJ they informed her that she would most likely do 8 months in MCJ!
MCJ is a transient setting and the PD already knew that she would be there for 8 months. She was treated to a cold shower enhanced by lice solution before being issued her new outfit and her pallet. She is now sleeping on a pallet in a small room with 30-40 other women, pallets are wall to wall. Is that even legal?
Jodie is not an innocent person and she takes complete responsibility for her actions as noted by turning herself in to MCJ. She told me that it was the hardest thing she has ever done. I was extremely proud of her.
I went online after I got home and found numerous rehabs equipped to treat addicts doing time, both in Muskogee County and Oklahoma.
People who commit cold-blooded murder do less time than she will. She also needs treatment for her documented Bi-Polar illness. That will also not be provided for her in jail. PD said there is no money for medications used to treat mental health issues in jail.
Come back for news about Jodie and the book we are co-writing about her ongoing struggles with prison, mental health issues and addictions, “Jodie’s Journey.”
Jodie and I believe that God has saved her so many times for a reason, and that even from this latest horror show, He will bring forth blessings in her life. I pray hopefully in mine too, because she is my heart and right now, my heart is broken.

Angels Among Us…

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“Oh I believe there are angels among us.
Sent down to us from somewhere up above.
They come to you and me in our darkest hours.
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.
To guide us with a light of love.” Alabama

Blessed with a day of love before my daughter goes to prison…thank you for all your prayers. I feel your love.

 

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Doing Time…

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I publish tons of personal stuff on my blog, but I wasn’t going to write about my thirty-nine year-old daughter going to prison, not because I’m ashamed of her, but because the hurt is so enormous.
I have made mistakes. Some that will haunt me until the day I die. Everyone makes mistakes. We all pay for our mistakes too, whether it’s through Karma, prison, divorce, broken hearts, family members who never speak to us again or whatever. You don’t have to wait for an official Judgment Day.
I believe that every day on Earth is Karma’s Judgment Day.
My heart has been sliced, diced and pureed, but much of it I can blame on myself and my bad decisions, decisions made from fear and insecurity.
And just when I think that I have bottomed out on heartbreaks, my middle child, who has also made bad choices, gets herself in enough small trouble with the law to end up with a very big sentence.
Twenty-years, three in and seventeen-years of probation. If she sneezes, she will do twenty-years. And she is a sneezer. She received that sentence for non-violent, minor crimes.
Meanwhile, rapists, child molesters and murderers do less time. They get out and do it again. Sometimes within a week. The man who killed my daughter’s first husband had six convictions for drunk driving, no license and his blood tested positive for alcohol and drugs at 8:a.m.
He went through a red light taking down my son-in-law’s motorcycle that was stopped at the red light.
I had to call in the news before he was even charged. He did fifteen months in prison.
I am not excusing my daughter’s crimes, but doesn’t rehab make more sense for an addict who hasn’t found sobriety?
The worst part is that we couldn’t afford a lawyer and justice is for people who can afford a lawyer. Take my word for it, because that is one theory you don’t want to test.
And I get to fly 2000 miles on Monday and then drive three hours to deliver her to the prison. There isn’t a big enough box of tissues for this one, but I am grateful for the opportunity because I want to stand by her and I want her to see her mama’s face loving her as she walks into prison.
I keep giving her to God and He has saved her life so many times and I am grateful. She has thrown away a hundred chances to turn her life around, so maybe prison is the only way to save her life again. He sees the whole picture and I trust Him, but it’s an extremely painful solution.
Seriously. I have no clue how I am going to make it through that day or the days that follow, because she won’t be the only one doing time. We are connected and she holds my heart, so we are both doing time.

Jodie Lynne, I Will Stand By You…

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I publish tons of personal stuff on my blog, but I wasn’t going to write about my thirty-nine year-old daughter going to prison, not because I’m ashamed of her, but because the hurt is so enormous.
I have made mistakes. Some that will haunt me until the day I die. Everyone makes mistakes. We all pay for our mistakes too, whether it’s through Karma, prison, divorce, broken hearts, family members who never speak to you again or whatever. You don’t have to wait for an official Judgment Day.
I believe that every day on Earth is Karma’s Judgment Day.
My heart has been sliced, diced and pureed, but much of it I can blame on myself and my bad decisions, decisions made from fear and insecurity.
And just when I think that I have bottomed out on heartbreaks, my middle child, who has also made bad choices, gets herself in enough small trouble with the law to end up with a very big sentence.
Twenty-years, three in and seventeen-years of probation. If she sneezes, she will do twenty-years. And she is a sneezer. She received that sentence for non-violent, minor crimes.
Meanwhile, rapists, child molesters and murderers do less time. They get out and do it again. Sometimes within a week. The man who killed my daughter’s first husband had six convictions for drunk driving, no license and his blood tested positive for alcohol and drugs at 8:a.m.
He went through a red light taking down my son-in-law’s motorcycle that was stopped at the red light.
I had to call in the news before he was even charged. He did fifteen months in prison.
I am not excusing my daughter’s crimes, but doesn’t rehab make more sense for an addict who hasn’t found sobriety?
The worst part is that we couldn’t afford a lawyer and justice is for people who can afford a lawyer. Take my word for it, because that is one theory you don’t want to test.
And I get to fly 2000 miles on Monday and then drive three hours to deliver her to the prison. There isn’t a big enough box of tissues for this one, but I am grateful for the opportunity because I want to stand by her and I want her to see her mama’s face loving her as she walks into prison.
I keep giving her to God and He has saved her life so many times and I am grateful. She has thrown away a hundred chances to turn her life around, so maybe prison is the only way to save her life again. He sees the whole picture and I trust Him, but it’s an extremely painful solution.
Seriously. I have no clue how I am going to make it through that day or the days that follow, because she won’t be the only one doing time. We are connected and she holds my heart, so we are both doing time.

Today…from Jodie Lynne

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I Will Love You…

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I Will Love You
for Jodie Lynne

Forever and ever
past this lifetime
to the moon
and back
I will love you.
Your heart and
my heart began
and continue
to beat as one.
So always
my daughter…
I will love you.
I can’t enjoy the sunshine
or the taste of coffee
when you are locked away.
I can’t breathe
when you are not free.
I hope I have shown you
how much I love you
in these past months
of your sobriety…
How much it
meant because
we were together
laughing and playing
buying clothes,
drinking Starbucks
driving to Walmart
you in your
silly pajamas
me with my silly hair.
Normal things
mothers and
daughters do…
So precious
to us because
every second,
we knew…
Our time had
been borrowed.
I will love you
Forever and ever
past this lifetime
to the moon
and back
I will love you.
I will love you.

Jeanne Marie, 2014
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Change Is Forever Constant by Jodie Lynne

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The woman I am, shall not be the woman I will be or the woman I once was.
The morning always brings another beginning, thank God.
And I, always becoming, am not allowed to go back to the once was… that woman is no longer there.
Older. Wiser. I have learned to live and let live.
I, after years, have acquired perspective which lends me sanity, sanity where once there was none.
The pains that once overwhelmed and undermined the nurturing, developing woman that I was, helped to shape the woman that I am now becoming.
If only mastering and accepting these lessons, if only I could blindly trust, there is a gift, the gift of change that accompanies each pain.
I am becoming and with becoming comes peace. I can see and sense this for I know where I was yesterday.

by Jodie Lynne

His Honor

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We leave
the house
at 6:00 a.m.
Drive to the
courthouse,
once again.
Baby girl
a woman
grown.
Will I
leave
this
building
with her?
Will I
leave
this
building
alone?
Sitting
behind
her as
she
stands
before
his Honor.
Heart
refuses
to keep
beating
no, no, no
not one
second
longer.
Baby girl
stands
alone,
waiting
for
freedom
to fall.
Yes,
mistakes
were made.
Her crimes
to me
unknown.
She is my
baby girl
no matter
how much
grown,
no matter
how many
second
chances
blown.
His Honor
speaks.
The world
stops
turning.
The day
turns
black.
He sets a
date.
We will
be coming
back.
by Jeanne Marie, 2014

Life’s Journey…from Jodie Lynne

I Will Fly…

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Eating Dollar General

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Eating
Dollar General
food and my time
passes slow.
I put myself
in these mountains
yes, that’s true,
I know.
Just enough
food and coffee
to stay afloat.
Just enough staples
to give me tiny
glimmers of hope.
Used to love bologna
before this…
For my mama’s
arrival
I wish and I wish.
Isolated except for
my dog, so it’s
Maggie Mae
and me.
She is my angel
my saving grace.
That makes two
unless I count the
Dollar Store lady
and then…
we are three.
Eating
Dollar General
food and my time
passes slow.

By Jeanne Marie for Jodie Lynne

Drunk Love Sober by Jodie Lynne

Feathers fallen to the ground
each step he takes
set at sensual’s pace.
Life dancing…
behind his chiseled face…
one taste, his kiss
he’s heaven sent…
I’m heaven bound.
6′ 1″ bluest of eyes
drops my panties
to my thighs.
Depth of his voice
flashes his whole being
before my mind’s movie…
stuck on slow play.
Set…rewind…replay…
I could do this
all damned day.

by Jodie Lynne

Hope…

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God’s Gift

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Mountainburg Mountain

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Sitting in the dark of Mountainburg…
waiting on life’s spark to ignite…
moon hidden amongst clouds…
in trees bare of their leaves.
I write one last winterous scene…
dry counties surround me…
three shades to the wind…
no rum, no whiskey, death of my frisky…
washed out this girlie, angel dusted pixy…
awww sweet Jesus…
gave her prayers final answer…
no rum my daughter, no whiskey.

by Jodie Lynne