Posted in Women Who Think to Much

October Is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Does It End Here?

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My first question was, why not everyday? Several women (angrily) asked me that same question when I posted or re-blogged articles related to domestic violence, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse. Well, I told them that I wondered that too and that I didn’t name the dedication, I was just trying to honor the victims and the survivors because I come from that country and I am fluent in that language.
The question I have asked myself repeatedly this month is this: What does national awareness do for the victims? Does it change the abuser’s mind? Does he (or she) say, “Damn it! I’m not going to swear and scream at you until National Domestic Violence Awareness Month is over, you lucky bitch!”
Does he pay the bills, buy some food, keep his hands off his daughter because it’s National Domestic Violence Awareness Month?
Will the family have a month of peace? Will her neighbor buy ice for her black eye?
The abusers and the victims are all too aware of what domestic violence is and the people who don’t acknowledge it all year long because it’s easier to look away, well they don’t give a flying fig that this month is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month either.
The women who go to shelters expecting to find a way out, expecting someone to teach them how to stand on their own two feet, hoping for training so that they can get a job that will support them and their kids in the future, what do they think about National Domestic Violence Awareness Month?
How about asking the ones who returned home because the shelter was lacking in anything but a whole new set of rules, a bed and some used clothes.
The shelters where women in my family have gone provided a time out, nothing more. If you run a shelter that provides therapy, job training, education, legal representation and daycare, I apologize and I’d also like your hot line phone number.
I have posted articles about abuse in October anyway, hoping that even one woman might find the courage to grab her babies and run for safety.
I have read the survivor’s stories and I have read the  “he killed her” stories.
I have a “he killed her” story. I had a cousin who was murdered in front of her young son, while living in a shelter.
I cry and I hold every victim’s and every survivor’s story that I have ever read or witnessed in my heart. Including my own.
Victims and abusers, survivors and inflictors, well, to them every month is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. They just don’t talk about it.
So as this official National Domestic Violence Awareness Month ends, I feel helpless. I have no answers, no help for the millions who will go to bed hungry, crying and/or bruised tonight. For those who will sleep in their cars because it is safer than their home or because they have no home and friends and family are sick of helping them only to see them go back to the abuser.
I have tears, but Lord knows, they already have enough tears of their own. Maybe we could make everyday Domestic Violence Awareness Day.

26 thoughts on “October Is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Does It End Here?

  1. I am so sad for you and your daughter-in-hiding that you haven’t been empowered, protected, aided, supported and vindicated by our society. Why are women treated like this? You have my support. I’m trying to raise boys who won’t abuse women. I don’t know what else to do either.

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  2. It breaks my heart to think that anyone lives this kind of hell any day of the year. I have not been in an abusive relationship – thank god – but I did grow up with it and it does color your life. Thankfully I have gotten to a place where I can put it in perspective and know that I have chosen not to live that kind of life but it was a long road to understanding. Thank you Jeanne for speaking up and speaking out. You truly do make a difference. It is sad to think that awareness really only comes in October but I believe that every bit helps and I hope that it spurs more people into action. I’m so sorry for what you lived through and even more sorry that you have to relive it in sharing it with others but I believe it will wake people up like none other and I think it is all part of the healing process. Thank you for who you are Jeanne Marie. I pray that all women may one day be able to live a normal life without fear…

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    1. Thank you Maggie. I want to continue to share and that is the main reason I published my book. Also, I promised my mom that I would finish and publish it. She passed away in 2009, but I felt her joy when I let Women Who Think Too Much go out into the world. It took me twenty years and thousands of edits but when I finished, I felt like a butterfly, free to fly. It is overwhelming to see all the women and children still suffering and I feel so powerless sometimes. And I am, but He isn’t, so I pray you are right and that my words will touch even one woman. XO Jeanne Marie

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  3. Thank you Jeanne Marie. By ourselves it can be hard to change the patterns of the past. But as many voices throng together the power really grows. This needs to be out in the open and it needs to be talked about. It needs a lot more action than that of course as well. But it is words that eventually motivate goals and actions. Thank you for continuing to raise awareness ad ring the alarm bells.

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    1. Thank you for your understanding. It will not end here for me. This has been a traumatic month for me as I have been reliving my own past through my own posts and the sharing of other’s posts. It is so hard to feel like I can make a difference, but you’re right, words and talking can only help and there is strength in numbers. A survivor myself and with a daughter in-hiding from an abusive ex-husband, the issue of abuse in any form is never far from my thoughts. I will “continue to raise awareness and ring the alarm bells” and yes, you’re right, it can help, so thank you for your encouragement.

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    1. Can you tell the picture is XXX? My daughter lives there and she sent me that picture the other day. I couldn’t wait for you to read this to see how you felt. I kept picturing what a gorgeous picture you would have created!

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      1. She lives in XXX? That is where I am from. I love the mountains of XX? I love what you wrote about how you feel helpless! But you make a difference you need to know that. What you post gives people hope and rather you know it or not you are a survivor even of you don’t feel like you make a difference my own mother told me today that God gives is all a purpose some are really big and some are simple but we all have one! I can see yours! You are a wonderful encourager and a very strong woman! I admire your courage! I’m so blessed to know you!

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        1. I wrote you a note here and poof! it disappeared. So I will try again! Yes she does but I can’t say where as she has a “he will kill her” ex-husband. Thank you for your encouragement and loving support and for cheering me up when I am down. I am blessed to know you. We must deserve each other! XO

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          1. I keep typing messages and they go away as well. Who knows what is going on. I agree I am blessed to know you as well.
            It’s good to have someone I don’t have to explain things to you just know and you shed so so much light on things! XO

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