I am test driving a quit smoking program of my own design.
The first concept involves hiding my cigarettes.
It works rather well because I wander around for about twenty minutes wondering where I left them.
Then I remember that I hid them, but I don’t remember where I hid them and that takes another half hour or so.
I call this phase of the plan Hide and Freak.
Moving on, the other thing that I am testing involves TDCO.
I’m sure you’re all sick of hearing about new initial named programs, but I promise you this one is unique based on the fact that it is Too Damn Cold Out to go outside and smoke.
I moved home to New England to challenge this theory, but now I’m a Believer.
Sometimes, it’s just Too Damn Cold Out to go outside and smoke.
My husband almost sabotaged that tool, trying to be nice.
He said, “Just smoke in the house,” even though he hates it.
I said, “No, thank you,” but don’t think it doesn’t cross my mind now and then, especially when it’s -14 degrees outside.
Damn. Need some more tricks to get this program off the ground.
Already tried every product on this planet so I know I need a new program.
All ideas welcome, except “just quit smoking.”
I do that every day.

Dear Jeanne Marie…



Dear Jeanne Marie,

I give you permission to be happy. You don’t have to smoke anymore and kill yourself slowly. You have been dying since the day you started, plus; you are still carrying what you were going through when you started smoking. You are still letting that kill you too.

Well, the mourning is over. I give you permission to stop smoking, permission to be happy.

Every day that you wake up is a gift and you are wasting all of your gifts with your sadness, depression and guilt. Give up the cigarettes, give up the depression, give up the sadness and the guilt.

Be happy. I give you permission to be happy. You do not have to pay any more for things that happened, things that you did and things that you didn’t do.

Be ok. Let the past go…give it up. Give up the cigarettes. You have a gift with words and God wants you to use that gift. It came from Him and when you are lying in bed, sleeping or crying, you are saying, “No thanks, God.”

You are by nature gentle, kind, funny and loving. Don’t let love gone cruel turn you into an angry bitch, that’s why you left. To save the sweet you had left and girl, you were running low.

You are blessed, you are blessed. You are surrounded by angels and by people that have passed on already and they love you. They want you to let go of the past, let go of the pain and live again.

I see you already grabbing for life in little pieces and then you get scared, like somebody is going to grab your happy and tear it away from you. I’m not saying that can’t happen because it does happen.

I’m saying enjoy the moment while you are happy and while you have it in your hand. You are so strong. Just look at all that you have survived.

I give you permission to stop smoking and I give you permission to be happy…


Jeanne Marie, 2016