4th of July 2019

Lying in bed, my heart is pounding, I can hear his rage from the other room. I’ve stopped catering to his every need. I’m terrified. I hate this feeling. My stomach is tight. My heart is pounding. I don’t know if he’s going to come into my room. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t. Not knowing is terrifying. Will he choke me until I can’t breathe this time, just call me hurtful names or demand a “grudge fuck”? I can hear the sound of silverware clinging from a distance or is that the five knives laying on the table beside where he sleeps? He is yelling but I have the fan on in my window to drown out as much as possible.

He is angry all the time but this particular moment is because I haven’t washed dishes and cooked for him today. I can’s wash dishes in the sink…