Doing Time…

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I publish tons of personal stuff on my blog, but I wasn’t going to write about my thirty-nine year-old daughter going to prison, not because I’m ashamed of her, but because the hurt is so enormous.
I have made mistakes. Some that will haunt me until the day I die. Everyone makes mistakes. We all pay for our mistakes too, whether it’s through Karma, prison, divorce, broken hearts, family members who never speak to us again or whatever. You don’t have to wait for an official Judgment Day.
I believe that every day on Earth is Karma’s Judgment Day.
My heart has been sliced, diced and pureed, but much of it I can blame on myself and my bad decisions, decisions made from fear and insecurity.
And just when I think that I have bottomed out on heartbreaks, my middle child, who has also made bad choices, gets herself in enough small trouble with the law to end up with a very big sentence.
Twenty-years, three in and seventeen-years of probation. If she sneezes, she will do twenty-years. And she is a sneezer. She received that sentence for non-violent, minor crimes.
Meanwhile, rapists, child molesters and murderers do less time. They get out and do it again. Sometimes within a week. The man who killed my daughter’s first husband had six convictions for drunk driving, no license and his blood tested positive for alcohol and drugs at 8:a.m.
He went through a red light taking down my son-in-law’s motorcycle that was stopped at the red light.
I had to call in the news before he was even charged. He did fifteen months in prison.
I am not excusing my daughter’s crimes, but doesn’t rehab make more sense for an addict who hasn’t found sobriety?
The worst part is that we couldn’t afford a lawyer and justice is for people who can afford a lawyer. Take my word for it, because that is one theory you don’t want to test.
And I get to fly 2000 miles on Monday and then drive three hours to deliver her to the prison. There isn’t a big enough box of tissues for this one, but I am grateful for the opportunity because I want to stand by her and I want her to see her mama’s face loving her as she walks into prison.
I keep giving her to God and He has saved her life so many times and I am grateful. She has thrown away a hundred chances to turn her life around, so maybe prison is the only way to save her life again. He sees the whole picture and I trust Him, but it’s an extremely painful solution.
Seriously. I have no clue how I am going to make it through that day or the days that follow, because she won’t be the only one doing time. We are connected and she holds my heart, so we are both doing time.

34 thoughts on “Doing Time…”

  1. Oh God My Dear!! I am so sorry for what you are having to go through and your daughter as well. These are things we are never prepared for. Will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!
    xoxo
    😘💕🌹

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  3. I’m so sorry. There’s not much to say. It will be awful, horrible and make you miserable beyond belief, but you will make it through it, so that you can be there for her when she gets out. Then you can start again. That’s the way it works. I agree…everything happens right here…we pay as we go, even if it doesn’t make sense. Sending you strength and hope for better days ahead.

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    1. Yes, thank you, and I will be okay. It’s not easy to go through, but through is the only way I go now. I used to go around, past, or blindly but that just prolongs the agony. Thank you for your support, Jeanne Marie

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  5. Long long time my sweet friend and I am so glad you have bared your soul like you did, I don’t have your courage but someday I will if I didn’t have coworkers that read my blog but know that MY path is your daughters path. Please never mention when you respond on my blog, but this was my coping skill to numb a bad marriage, depression, cheating, abuse. I too neglected my children. Oh believe me I tried to be a good parent and so far my children have turned out ok but I do see little issues here and there. The best you can do is be a role model now and I am for my children and pray she will see the light, I did. Took me a long time. A big part of that is leaving my husband. How vain I am, he left me…ha!! But really, that led me to a path of sobriety. Pray honey, go to Alanon. know you are powerless and know you can get caught up in enabling her out of your own guilt only making matters worse. Things will work out. kisses!!!

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  7. I think I am going to have to comment later as I am bawling my eyes out for both of you right now. Know that we are here for both of you. We will be by your side when you drop her off and on your return drive home. My heart is breaking for both of you. I gotta get a grip of this before I write more. You are so brave to Blog about this, let us all walk this journey with you. XOXO -Dawn

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  8. I am speechless now! I love what B said and we are sticking together in our trials, We hold you up and lift you up in prayer and also in friendship, girl power, love power, love lifts us higher then we can ever imagine. I love you two Jeanne Marie and Belinda. We are quite a force when our minds and hearts are in it till the end! Here’s to Jodie, I will bathe her in my prayers and God will protect her and keep her safe.
    http://michellemarieantellg.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/love-waitsfor-you-jodie/

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  9. Pingback: Love Waits~For you Jodie | Tell me about it

  10. The separation from my daughter because of divorce has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. I won’t talk about it only blog either. But after talking with her therapist I am going to begin the process of reintegration with her.
    Thank you for the courage to share your most precious truth
    Warmly
    Jim

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  11. Jeanne Marie, oh my friend. We’re here. We’ll help you get through it. I know that isn’t much considering what you’re going through, but it’s all I have to offer. The sentencing is crazy. You’re right, one can take a life and receive next to nothing; and yet another, who has caused no other direct harm to anyone but themselves (family excluded) serves years. This is all so very wrong. I cannot pretend for one moment to understand what you’re feeling, but I extend my heart, shoulder and arms to comfort you. You are loved and cared for, as is your daughter. I hope you’ll reach out when you need comfort. Don’t feel alone in this. My heart is breaking for you and your family. All my love. I can’t make this better in any way. I’ve no idea what to say; but I am here for you. I send my love.

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    1. I treasure each word you wrote and your support means everything to me. The only thing I am sure of is, I can’t do this alone, and even though He is with me always, I need friends like you and Michelle Marie to pray for us and to pass out hugs and understanding, so thank you. I feel as helpless to help her as you do to help me, so I understand your frustration as you search for words of comfort. I gratefully accept your offer of heart, shoulder and arms to comfort me. I always try to tough it out on my own, giving it to God, but this is a big one. And God gives us the people we need when we need them most. Love you, Jeanne Marie

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